President Trump takes to Truth Social to casually reveal total control of Iranian airspace, Ayatollah's GPS coordinates, and his new side hustle as Global Sky Overlord. Iran reportedly responds by turning their radar knobs slightly harder. Read More.
As missiles fly and oil-rich nations go boom, top analysts bravely admit they’re confused — but only after writing twelve contradictory predictions and blaming “vibes.” Read More.
In a bold move to protect America from invisible threats, President Trump considers banning 36 more countries — most of which CNN anchors can’t pronounce. Read More.
Trump directs ICE to clean out Democrat strongholds, triggering absolute hysteria among progressive elites who suddenly remember borders exist.
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Senate Republicans are prepared to cancel fireworks, barbecues, and freedom itself if that's what it takes to pass Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill.” Meanwhile, Democrats clutch pearls and warn of fiscal doom. Read More.
In a bold new chapter of international diplomacy, Trump offers Iran the chance to avoid further “peaceful obliteration” after Israel demonstrates the world's first "shock-and-awe-for-breakfast" campaign.
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Trump is done waiting for Jerome "Mr. Too Late" Powell to locate the gas pedal at the Federal Reserve. A real America First pick may finally end the snooze-fest at the Fed. Read More.
As Trump pulls diplomats from the Middle East while nuclear talks implode, Democrats accuse him of "reckless peace-making" and ruining their apocalypse narrative. Read More.
President Trump announces that trade deals are going so perfectly that foreign nations might not even need more time to surrender — unless they enjoy paying massive tariffs.
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Federal judge denies Newsom’s desperate bid to block Trump from deploying National Guard to riot-plagued Los Angeles, leaving Gavin hyperventilating into his designer scarf. Read More.
President Trump’s elite trade assassins touched down in London and promptly put China in a diplomatic chokehold, with no press statements — just raw dominance. Witnesses say Xi Jinping has already ordered extra diapers. Read More.
In a stunning new effort to combat bureaucratic bloat, Republicans have launched a hilariously serious crusade against government waste — one canceled Post-it Note at a time. Read More.
Over 300 economists sounded the alarm this week, warning that if Trump’s tax cuts expire, America will plunge into a pit of IRS doom, government job postings, and tofu subsidies. The horror.
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