TRUMP UNLEASHES NUCLEAR TWEETSTORM
“Tell Medvedev he’s entering dangerous territory,” Trump typed furiously at midnight, pausing only to sip a Diet Coke and not start a war. “Nobody elected you, Dmitry. Even your own country thinks you’re Putin’s purse poodle.”
DEAD HAND? TRY DEAD CAREER
Medvedev responded by referencing “Dead Hand,” Russia’s doomsday device, which hasn’t been updated since Tetris. Trump replied, “The only dead hand is the one still holding your expired leadership badge.”
INDIA: THE TARIFF KINGDOM
“India’s tariffs are so high, I need oxygen masks just to trade with them,” Trump declared. “Let them partner with Russia — two dead economies walking.”
TRUMP’S TRUTH BOMBS DETONATE
Global leaders watched nervously as Trump’s posts sent shockwaves — and laughter — around the world. “Next time Medvedev speaks,” Trump concluded, “someone please unplug his Cold War WiFi.”
MAGA MIC DROP
“America’s back, baby,” Trump finished. “And we don’t do business with ghost presidents or discount nukes.”
