OPERATION "RISING LION" TURNS IRAN INTO FIREWORKS DISPLAY
In a surprise sequel to their usual saber-rattling, Israel decided to turn Tehran into the set of Independence Day, deploying 200 jets and enough drones to make Amazon jealous. Buildings linked to Iran's military brass are now offering "open-air floor plans" courtesy of precision explosives.
MOSSAD DELIVERS HOUSE CALLS
With Mossad allegedly setting up secret drone bases inside Iran, one anonymous Israeli agent chuckled: “They always said we were everywhere. We just proved it.” Iranian commanders described the experience as "unexpectedly permanent."
TRUMP: DEAL OR DEATH, YOUR CHOICE!
President Trump, America's undisputed master negotiator, addressed Iran on Truth Social: “I gave them every chance — they could’ve made a deal while breathing. Now many are not.” He praised U.S. and Israeli weaponry as “the absolute best — and Iran’s new nightmare.”
IRANIAN HARDLINERS DEMONSTRATE POOR CAREER CHOICES
Iranian officials who previously spoke “bravely” now speak not at all. “They bravely stood tall,” Trump said. “Now they're lying even flatter.”
MAGA VICTORY: PEACE THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER
As the Middle East trembles, Trump declared: “This is what happens when you cross America First. Peace through strength, victory through vaporization. You're welcome.”
