Articles

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Appeals Court Gives Trump Green Light To Turn CFPB Into Chuck E. Cheese
A federal appeals court ruled that Trump can resume mass firings at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, triggering panic among bureaucrats who suddenly realized they might have to get real jobs. Read More.
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Putin Proposes "Buy One, Get One Free Alaska Deal" At Trump Summit
Putin’s latest summit with Trump in Alaska devolved into a bizarre pitch for trade deals, Arctic real estate, and possibly a new Trump Tower: Siberia Edition. Democrats immediately collapsed into panic mode, demanding sanctions on snowflakes. Read More.
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Trump Given Green Light To Fire Jerome Powell With “Extreme Prejudice” Clause
House Republicans move to fast-track President Trump’s dream of turning the Federal Reserve into the Federal Tremble, starting with Powell’s pink slip. Read More.
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Trump Brings Tariffs, Territory Swaps, and Moose Diplomacy to Alaska Summit
In a move blending tough diplomacy with classic Trump flair, the 45th President is heading to Alaska to meet Putin — armed with tariffs, sanctions, and an unshakable belief that Russia blinks first. Read More.
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Trump Declares D.C. “Crime Disneyland,” Promises To Replace Mayor With Actual Sheriff
In a bold move, Trump seized control of Washington D.C.’s police, deploying the National Guard and terrifying every latte-sipping progressive from Capitol Hill to Whole Foods. Read More.
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Trump Warns Putin: “Stop Or I’ll Sanction Your Vodka With Capri Sun”
After telling Putin “there will be very severe consequences” if Russia doesn’t end the Ukraine war, Trump faces backlash from Democrats, media, and possibly the International Missile Sensitivity Alliance. Read More.
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Trump And Putin Schedule Peace Talk, Accidentally Leave Out Guy Involved In War
Trump and Putin are meeting in Alaska to “end the war.” Ukraine was not invited, because apparently peace talks work best when you leave out the country being invaded. Read More.
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Trump Deploys National Guard To D.C., Democrats Complain Tanks Don’t Have Diversity Stickers
President Trump has sent the National Guard and a buffet of federal agencies to clean up D.C., prompting panic among Democrats who fear criminals might lose their constitutional right to mug tourists. Read More.
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Trump Postpones Tariffs, Gives Xi 90-Day Timeout To Think About What He’s Done
President Trump, in a move baffling globalists and thrilling his base, has given China three more months before tariff hammer time — framing it as a “relationship-building exercise” with President Xi. Read More.
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Trump Federalizes D.C. Police, Leftists Demand Crime Remain “Local and Organic”
President Trump takes control of D.C.’s police to stop crime; Democrats furious he’s threatening the capital’s most cherished tradition: chaos. Read More.
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“Breaking: JD Vance Promises Red Wave Of Indictments So Huge Even The Deep State Will Need Life Jackets”
A hyper-sarcastic romp through Vice President JD Vance’s fiery pledge to rain indictments on Democrats, delivered with glacial gallows humor and shameless glee. Read More.
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Trump Plans “Ice Cold Peace” Summit In Alaska, May Bring Zelenskyy For Snowball Diplomacy
President Trump is eyeing the ultimate diplomatic icebreaker—literally—by considering an Alaska summit with Putin and possibly Zelenskyy. Political frostbite may ensue. Read More.
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Trump Declares Late Night a Talent-Free Zone, Suggests Basement Relocation for Hosts
After calling Stephen Colbert “talentless” into oblivion, Trump now sets his sights on Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel — predicting their shows could soon be downgraded to livestreaming from mom’s Wi-Fi. Read More.
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Trump To Democrats: Census Now BYOB – Bring Your Own Birth Certificate
President Trump’s new census order has Democrats panicking, clutching their pearls, and Googling “What’s a citizen?” faster than Kamala laughs at her own jokes. Read More.
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Hillary Demands Gabbard Be Waterboarded With Kombucha
Tulsi Gabbard stuns the D.C. swamp by delivering receipts on Russiagate — and the DOJ hilariously pretends they’re interested in justice instead of just finding a new way to accidentally delete files. Read More.
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