Articles

Smalltown, USA - In a shocking turn of events, 72-year-old retiree Herbert Butterton has declared war on his socks, accusing them of "unfair thread advantage" and "persistent shrinkage conspiracies." Butterton, known for his eccentric gardening habits and fondness for polka music, made the announcement during a heated debate with his pet goldfish, Bartholomew, over the optimal watering schedule for petunias. Read More.

Which Biden is it? Dementia Joe or Crafty Joe? Read More.

CAIRO, EGYPT - In a groundbreaking discovery that's sure to rewrite history (and possibly offend it), archaeologists have unearthed a clay tablet dating back to 2500 BC, containing the earliest example of cancel culture ever found. The inscription, written in a primitive form of hieroglyphics, details a heated debate between two pharaohs over the proper use of pronouns for a particularly stubborn sphinx. Read More.

Squatters are ruining entire neighborhoods in Atlanta and police response to evict is so slow, some homeowners have resorted to paying nuisances to leave. Brazen squatters even opened an illegal st… Read More.

Forget RoboCop, the stoic cyborg of yesteryear. Meet Unit 7B, the latest marvel of crime-fighting technology, here to serve and protect… with slightly less drama and significantly more exclamation points! Read More.

“No bathroom breaks. No meal breaks. This is a good investment,” Adams said at the time. Read More.

In a stunning display of toddler tyranny, a group of kindergarteners at the prestigious "Little Sprouts Academy" have staged a protest demanding the immediate removal of all finger paints from their classrooms. They claim the vibrant colors are "microaggressive" and "triggering" to their delicate sensibilities. Read More.

Former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley could lose the Nevada primary to the "none of these candidates" option, according to a new survey, an outcome that would threaten her hopes of defeating former President Donald Trump. Read More.

Attention, sheeple! Big Pharma and Big Brother have joined forces in a nefarious plot to track your every move – and it's all hidden in the most innocent-looking place imaginable: your yearly flu shot! Read More.

Researchers have published the results from a troubling new study that confirms Covid mRNA shots are responsible for spikes in serious and potentially fatal health issues. Read More.

Step aside, puny electric cars and eco-friendly tote bags! The real climate game-changer is here, folks, and it's about as subtle as a neon speedo at a penguin convention. Introducing Project: Planetary Parasol! Read More.

It’s come to this. With Earth at its hottest point in recorded history, and humans doing far from enough to stop its overheating, a small but growing number of astronomers and physicists are proposing a potential fix that could have leaped from the pages of science fiction: the equivalent of a giant beach umbrella, floating in outer space. Read More.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a groundbreaking discovery, local man Gary Butterfield (42) has stumbled upon a forgotten relic of the ancient past: news. While scrolling through his usual feed of outrage-inducing tweets and sponsored cat videos, Butterfield accidentally clicked on a website whose content wasn't solely determined by an algorithm programmed to maximize his rage. Read More.

 Because sometimes, you just gotta burn some dino juice to juice up your EV Read More.

A left wing local council is slapping massive parking charges on electric vehicles (EVs) in the name of protecting the environment. Read More.