Articles

After years of championing deplatforming, a prominent progressive activist has made the shocking discovery that free speech might also apply to causes she supports, a revelation causing widespread confusion and headaches.

After years of championing the creative destruction of automation for the working class, the nation's media outlets are suddenly discovering the downsides of technology now that it's coming for their keyboards.

The Woke Weather Report

Following a minor judicial setback for a new emissions rule, major news outlets have reportedly replaced traditional weather forecasts with a live feed of impending doom, now with a 100% chance of panic.

Following extensive market research, the DNC has reportedly replaced several less-than-popular policy names with the universally appealing phrase 'Protecting Our Democracy,' hoping voters won't notice the underlying product remains unchanged.

Officials at the nation’s leading hysteria-generation firms are celebrating a new speed record after a mundane state letterhead requirement was successfully branded 'a chilling assault on the very concept of freedom' before most staffers had finished their morning coffee.

The nation’s leading hysteria analysts have issued a dire new forecast, upgrading a Republican proposal to streamline government paperwork from a Category 3 ‘Problematic Squall’ to a Category 5 ‘Democracy-Ending Hypercane.’

WASHINGTON, D.C.

In a bold move to solve the economy, climate change, and boring television, the Democratic Women's Caucus unveiled its new policy agenda Tuesday. The plan focuses on key voter concerns like the underrepresentation of non-binary characters in breakfast cereal mascots.

In a bold move to protect democratic norms, Senate Democrats are reportedly concerned that foreign interference lacks the nuance and subtlety of their own sophisticated, domestically-sourced efforts to guide electoral outcomes.

Following recent internal feedback, sources claim National Public Radio has developed a sophisticated new metric to ensure all campus coverage properly aligns with pre-approved narratives, saving journalists valuable time.

In a stunning display of principle, Democratic leaders have condemned the use of official resources for political ends, just moments before approving a new line of government-issued stationery watermarked with their own faces.

OAK VALLEY, CA

A local school district that prided itself on outsourcing all critical thought to 'The Experts' was thrown into chaos this week upon the shocking discovery that experts sometimes disagree with one another.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Upon arriving at the upscale establishment she helped build, Vice President Kamala Harris was reportedly informed that her prime-time table for 2024 was unexpectedly occupied, with staff suggesting she try the bar or perhaps a later seating in 2028.

After four years of branding any skepticism about mail-in voting as a threat to democracy, leading progressives have cautiously admitted that putting ballots in the mail might have some issues after all.

In a move that sent shockwaves through the political and comedy establishments, 'The Daily Show' host Jon Stewart bravely unveiled a stunning, never-before-heard theory: Donald Trump may have some negative qualities.

A prominent nurses' union is heroically protecting patients from life-saving diagnostic technology until the algorithm can prove it understands intersectionality and has properly decolonized its code.