Articles

Headline: Senate Unveils Border Plan That Secures Everything Except the Border

Lawmakers celebrate a sweeping new “border security” deal that funds studies, seminars, and strongly worded emails. Read More.

White House Announces New National Strategy: “Tariffs For All!”

After the Supreme Court slapped down Trump’s emergency tariffs, the White House unveils a creative plan to tax everything — including air and good vibes. Read More.

Supreme Court Decides Big Things, Then Decides Them Again Later, Because Why Not?

Just when you thought the Supreme Court could be predictable — Boom! It’s unpredictably predictable. Read More.

Trump’s Bipartisan Governors Summit Becomes New Reality Show: The Real State Leaders of D.C.

When bipartisanship meets RSVP chaos, comedy writes the headlines and nobody brings a side dish. Read More.

Biden Campaign Unveils ‘Lower Expectations Tour’ Ahead of 2026 Speeches

Democrats reportedly shift strategy from inspiration to survivability as aides redefine success as “complete sentences.” Read More.

Prediction Markets Now “Freedom Futures” as Trump Admin Battles State Lawsuits Over Betting on Everything

Federal regulators heroically declare sport-betting markets are patriotic forecasting tools — states beg to differ. Read More.

Senate Unveils 4,200-Page ‘Emergency’ Bill No One Has Read

Lawmakers celebrate transparency by fast-tracking a massive emergency bill they admit they skimmed “for vibes.” Read More.

Bad Bunny AI Roast at Mar-a-Lago Ignites Cultural Chaos, Marshmallows Allegedly Involved

Mar-a-Lago hosts AI DJ, cultural satire, and unintended identity debates — because nothing says unity like an AI remix and offended interns. Read More.

White House Launches ‘Ministry of Truth 2.0,’ Insists It’s Totally Different This Time

Administration unveils new anti-disinformation office, promises it will protect democracy by defining reality more efficiently. Read More.

Trump Announces “Board of Peace” To Replace U.N., Canada Not Invited Because They’re Too Nice

In a bold reimagining of global diplomacy, Trump forms Board of Peace — excluding Canada for being “disruptively polite.” Read More.

Trump Promises To Deport Government Waste, Bureaucrats Begin Self-Reporting

After vowing to deport millions of illegal immigrants, Trump clarifies he may start with federal agencies first. Read More.

Navalny Not Dead — Just Held Hostage By Ultra-Rare Poison Dart Frog Diplomacy

European governments blame a tropical frog for Navalny’s death, Kremlin claims amphibians are misunderstood diplomats. Read More.

At Munich Security Conference, U.S. Leaders Debate Whether World Order Is a Tango or a Tap Dance

Rubio and Ocasio-Cortez take the stage in Germany to reinterpret global leadership as performance art, leaving Europeans confused and entertained. Read More.

Trump Promises to “Politically Smite” GOP Traitors Who Dared Oppose His Tariff Takeover — GOP Offers “Loot Boxes” Instead

After Republicans break with Trump over Canada tariffs, POTUS vows consequences, while GOP rebels secretly offer each other loot boxes and participation trophies. Read More.

White House Launches ‘Ministry of Misinformation’ to Protect Approved Facts

Administration creates new task force to combat falsehoods by carefully defining which truths are permitted this week. Read More.