Zelensky Delivers Message of Peace by Calling for Total Overthrow of Foreign Government
Broadcasting live from Kyiv’s newest fallout shelter and powered by an emotional support ring light, Zelensky insisted the only path to peace was for everyone to join hands, sing Kumbaya, and help him stage a geopolitical coup in Moscow.
Technical Difficulties Not the Only Glitch in Zelensky's Transmission
The OSCE livestream was plagued by static, lag, and whatever demon possesses Windows 95, but Zelensky’s words were crystal clear: “Change the regime! Preferably before lunch!” Audience members mistook it for a pitch for his new Netflix war docuseries.
Russia Accused of Temporal Crimes, Believing It’s Still 1853
Zelensky declared that Russia was mentally trapped in “another era,” possibly the Jurassic, or at least the Cold War. He added, “They think their borders are wherever they want! Like Amazon Prime, but with tanks.”
Europe Asked to Join in Global Therapy Session for Russia
He insisted the way to protect Europe was through mandatory mental health reform in Moscow. “We must talk to them like adults. By overthrowing their government and replacing it with one I like.”
TRUMP TO ZELENSKY: STAY IN YOUR LANE, BRO
In a follow-up post on Truth Social, President Trump quipped, “Zelensky wants regime change? He should start by changing his internet provider. Maybe then people would take his Xbox diplomacy seriously.”
