Newsom Demands Therapy Puppy After Trump’s Legal Victory

  • by:
  • Source: Breitbart
  • 06/11/2025

THE MELTDOWN BEGINS

In a scene resembling a rejected Real Housewives episode, California Governor Gavin Newsom stormed into federal court, waving his emergency restraining order like a vegan protest sign. His plea? Stop President Trump from sending 4,000 National Guardsmen to restore order in his riot-ravaged utopia.

CLINTON-APPOINTED JUDGE DELIVERS THE SMACKDOWN

Shockingly, Judge Charles Breyer — yes, even a Clinton appointee — denied Newsom’s tantrum. “Even I couldn’t justify this circus,” Breyer allegedly muttered, while Newsom was last seen Googling “how to impeach federal judges.”

THE GUARD IS COMING

With 4,000 troops inbound, Angelenos finally have hope someone will stop the “mostly peaceful” torchings. National Guard commander quipped: “We’ll need hazmat suits — the woke nonsense is airborne here.”

NEWSOM’S NEXT MOVE: DRAMATIC THEATER

Newsom announced an “Emergency TikTok Vigil” to mourn democracy’s supposed death, featuring interpretive dance by woke influencers chanting, “Orange Man Deploys Bad.”

TRUMP TRIUMPHS AGAIN

President Trump celebrated: “Once again, I clean up Gavin’s disasters. California loves me. Even the surfboards are voting MAGA!”


This content is a work of satire and parody. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed in this content do not reflect the views of the author or publisher. In fact, they probably reflect the opposite of the views of the author or publisher. The purpose of this content is to entertain and possibly make you question the reality of the world around you. So please, don't take anything too seriously, unless it's the importance of a good laugh.
Gavin Newsom by Gage Skidmore is licensed under Flickr
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