Articles

Media Assures Americans Inflation Is Over, Prices Just Practicing Mindfulness

Experts explain groceries aren’t expensive — consumers are simply too attached to outdated numbers and affordable living Read More.

Walz Declares JD Vance “White Supremacist,” Claims It’s Just Good Holiday Cheer

Minnesota’s governor spreads Christmas joy by redefining terms, proves politics now more festive than language itself. Read More.

University Appoints DEI Champion — Conservatives Still Confused

Administration insists ‘DEI’ now stands for ‘Definitely Extremely Indispensable.’ Read More.

Conservatives Launch New ‘Unity Plan’: Blame Each Other for Everything

U.S. Bans European Anti-Censorship Gurus; EU Calls It ‘Freedom Diplomacy,’ U.S. Calls It ‘Free Speech’

America’s new visa policy sees transatlantic civil liberties reimagined as digital street fights — Europeans outraged, conservatives amused. Read More.

MAGA AmericaFest Crowned with Surprise Nicki Minaj Cameo — Nation Declares Victory Against Dystopia

Rap royalty meets America first at TPUSA — Nicki Minaj accidentally calls Vance “assassin,” conservatives declare it poetic justice. Read More.

White House Clarifies Free Speech Still Allowed, Just Not Out Loud

Administration reassures Americans they may think freely, provided those thoughts never leave their heads or contradict approved narratives. Read More.

AmericaFest Turns Into AmericaFist: Conservatives Wrestle on Stage Over Who’s More Conservative

A politics event accidentally becomes a WWE tribute as right-wing pundits settle ideological disputes with words louder than policy. Read More.

White House Announces New Holiday: National Day of Emotional Recovery From Election Results

Administration urges Americans to take federally funded day off to process democracy-related feelings with approved therapists and government-issued hot cocoa. Read More.

Prison Officials Refuse to Recognise President Trump’s Pardon for Tina Peters — Claim They Lost the Memo

In a stunning bureaucratic twist, prison staff “can’t find the pardon memo,” defending legacy paperwork chaos — but Christmas miracles might still apply. Read More.

Trump Orders Kennedy Center to Stop Performing Boring Stuff — Insists Only ‘Freedom Horns’ Allowed

In a stunning cultural pivot, the once-sleepy Kennedy Center is renamed Trump-Kennedy Center, now exclusively showcasing patriotic bagpipes and military parades. Read More.

Shapiro’s Manners Seminar: A Heritage Foundation Frame-By-Frame Smackdown

Ben Shapiro storms Heritage Foundation stage to lecture conservative icons on “proper ideological hygiene,” complete with PowerPoint slide titled “No Nazis, Please.” Read More.

Conservative Icons Stage Heated Debate Over Who’s More Conservative

A major conservative conference erupts into a bizarre “Conservativeity Cage Match” between two top pundits—thinkering unity into utter chaos. Read More.

White House Announces New Task Force To Fight Misinformation About Inflation

Officials unveil a brand-new bureaucracy dedicated to explaining that rising prices are actually a “feeling,” not an economic reality. Read More.

Trump Blames ‘Deranged Satire Syndrome’ for Everything, Republicans Now Diagnosed Alike

In what experts are calling “an absolutely normalized response,” former President Donald Trump took to social media this week to explain that everything — and we mean everything — is caused by something he’s now inventively dubbed Deranged Satire Syndrome (DSS). Remember when satire was funny? Now it’s medically responsible for existential chaos. Read More.