Articles

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TRUMP UNLEASHES ECONOMIC FREEDOM ROCKET, MEDIA MELTS LIKE WAX FLAGS
In a fireworks-filled July 4th ceremony, President Trump signed a tax cut bill so American, bald eagles started spontaneously saluting. Progressives responded by organizing a candlelight vigil for the IRS. Read More.
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“America Party” Just Tesla Owners Arguing About Charging Ports
Trump torches Elon Musk’s latest startup: a political party made entirely of memes, mid-life crises, and malfunctioning Teslas. Read More.
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Trump Ends Vietnam War Again, This Time With Tariffs and Swagger
President Trump just negotiated a trade deal so lopsided it left Vietnam stunned, Democrats sobbing, and globalists choking on their soy-based lattes. Read More.
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IAEA Left Swiping Right on Iran's Nuclear Tinder Profile
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Iran has decided to ghost the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), citing reasons that are as transparent as their nuclear program. President Masoud Pezeshkian signed off on a law that effectively tells the U.N. nuclear watchdog to take a hike, leaving the world to wonder what's really cooking in Tehran's underground labs. Read More.
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Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill' Faces Democratic Beauty Standards
President Trump's latest legislative endeavor, the 'Big Beautiful Bill,' has stirred controversy among Democrats who are calling for significant changes to its appearance and content. Read More.
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Trump Sued CNN So Hard They Accidentally Reported a Fact
In a bold attempt to teach the press the difference between "sources" and "slander," President Trump has launched a scorched-earth legal campaign that has CNN and The New York Times frantically Googling “defamation laws” between soy lattes. Read More.
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Elon to Trump: “Bro, You Mad?” Trump to Elon: “Just Hurt, Not Mad”
President Trump jokingly (we think?) threatens Elon Musk with financial exile via DOGE-powered audit — proving that bromances end not with a bang, but with a meme coin. Read More.
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Vote-a-Rama Turns Into Nap-a-Rama As Senate Slips Into Legislative Coma
In a dramatic 18-hour Senate standoff, Republicans push to pass Trump's $3.3 trillion "Tax Cuts + Bald Eagles" bill, while Democrats sob into climate pillows and beg for “fiscal responsibility” for the first time ever. Read More.
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Roberts: “Stop Yelling! I’m Just Following the Constitution, I Swear!”
After giving Trump a constitutional W, Chief Justice Roberts begs politicians to stop saying mean things about judges before someone breaks a gavel in rage. Read More.
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JD Vance Stands By With Pen, Sword, And Tie-Breaking Constitution
In a move that has CNN anchors hyperventilating into reusable hemp bags, the Senate advanced Trump’s majestic “Big Beautiful” bill — a document so powerful it made Chuck Schumer twitch and Ron Johnson change his mind halfway through a sandwich. Read More.
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BREAKING: Christopher Wray Found Hiding in Vatican Basement With Shredder, Box of Chinese Fortune Cookies
New bombshell revelations suggest former FBI Director Christopher Wray may have moonlighted as China's favorite misinformation intern during the 2020 election, allegedly hiding intelligence about foreign interference — presumably beneath a stack of Rachel Maddow transcripts. Read More.
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Thune Heroically Bows to Unelected Staffer, Cites “Feelings”
Senator John Thune bravely stood his ground this week—against his own party—by siding with the unelected Senate Parliamentarian who just gutted key parts of the GOP’s “Big, Beautiful Bill.” Republicans responded by issuing a collective sigh and scheduling a brunch. Read More.
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Trump Says Israel's Trial of Bibi Is “Worse Than Jan 6, But With Less Champagne”
Donald Trump calls on Israel to end Netanyahu’s corruption trial, claiming “witch hunts” and “cigar justice” threaten freedom. Also, apparently Bugs Bunny is now part of an international conspiracy. Read More.
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NATO Pledges Allegiance to Supreme Daddy Commander-in-Covfefe
NATO boss Mark Rutte accidentally calls Trump “daddy,” triggering a geopolitical Freudian slip that leaves Europe sucking its thumb and begging for bedtime stories. Read More.
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Vance Declares Trump Foreign Policy "Let Him Cook," Pentagon Smells Bacon
In a shocking twist, Donald Trump ends a war in less time than it takes Gavin Newsom to fix a pothole — and now we’re supposed to act like that’s not hilarious? Read More.
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