Articles

Courage in Cotton

In a stunning display of defiance against a non-existent opposition, a WNBA coach wore a t-shirt with a message universally approved by every major corporation, media outlet, and academic institution.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Top Democratic strategists are reportedly in a panic, realizing their entire policy agenda and electoral strategy now hinges on the ever-shifting opinions of a single political streamer broadcasting from his multi-million dollar home.

DC Adjusts to New Reality

Following the launch of 'TMZ on TV' in D.C., sources say progressive lawmakers are overjoyed, preparing emotional monologues and dramatic exits in hopes of finally getting the celebrity-style validation they've always craved.

A new proposal from a Democratic Socialist chapter seeks to replace the problematic holiday with a day of solemn reflection, micro-apologies, and a potluck where dishes are judged on their carbon footprint.

Crisis In The Capital

In a stunning development, Democratic Party leaders are scrambling after a prominent socialist activist said socialist things on a major news network, a gaffe party officials are calling 'unprecedentedly honest.' A new committee has been formed to prevent future outbreaks of transparency.

After the Pentagon revised casualty statistics, Sen. Warren condemned the update as an 'act of cruelty,' leaving many to wonder where this newfound concern for accurate metrics was during the inflation crisis or the Afghanistan withdrawal.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold move to make the presidential nomination process more fair and equitable, the Democratic National Committee has announced it will replace the 2028 primary elections with a proprietary algorithm.

Newly released excerpts from Dr. Anthony Fauci's memoir reportedly show the nation's top doctor was less concerned with viral spread and more with his Nielsen ratings.

In a stunning display of situational ethics, the nation's political media has heroically decided a politician's personal life is once again a private matter, at least for the next few news cycles, following new details about Gavin Newsom's past affair.

In a shocking blow to educational progress, a New York school district has caved to reactionary parents, canceling a pilot program that would have replaced biased, error-prone humans with a state-of-the-art AI instructor.

In a stunning strategic pivot, Democratic consultants have reportedly discovered that average Americans are more worried about grocery bills than abstract civics concepts, forcing a frantic, last-minute messaging overhaul.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the former high priest of public health, appeared before Congress only to reveal he's suffering from a convenient inability to remember any of the key events he presided over.