Articles

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Trump Calls “No Kings” Protest A Joke, Liberals Demand Crown Check
After a weekend of “No Kings” protests, President Trump reminded America that monarchs don’t usually fly commercial jets or do 18 rallies a week — before clocking back in to “work his ass off.” Read More.
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Zelenskyy Leaves White House Empty-Handed, Media Calls It “Genocide”
After Trump told Zelenskyy to “cut the war off at the battle lines,” America’s newsrooms combusted into an emergency therapy session, declaring that peace itself was now “an authoritarian threat.” Read More.
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Bolton Blasted: Deep State Finally Eats One of Its Own
In a twist that would make Shakespeare drop his quill, the swamp just ate one of its own. John Bolton — once the media’s favorite Trump-basher — is now their latest trophy. Read More.
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China Accused Of Betraying Trade Truce After America Realizes It Outsourced Everything To Its Rival
Top U.S. officials express outrage that China might actually use leverage in trade — a shocking twist in a saga where America happily outsourced its entire supply chain, then forgot to keep a Plan B. Read More.
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Trump To Close “Democrat Programs,” Nation Buys Popcorn
President Trump announced he’ll reveal a list of permanently closed “Democrat programs” this Friday — sending Washington into full meltdown as career bureaucrats clutch their lanyards like therapy crystals. Read More.
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Pentagon Launches “Peace Through Purchases” Plan, NATO Told To Buy More Freedom
Pete Hegseth tells NATO to achieve peace by maxing out their credit cards on U.S. weapons. Brussels calls it “the most American peace plan ever.” Read More.
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Trump Ends Middle East War; CNN Reports “Global Warming Mostly Responsible”
In a stunning development that defied decades of Beltway pessimism, President Donald Trump ended the Middle East war—prompting America’s press corps to immediately form a support group for journalists suffering from “peace-related trauma.” Read More.
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Biden Furious As Trump’s Hostage Count Outshines His Ice Cream Flavors
After freeing more Americans than Biden did in four years, Trump is being accused of “patriarchal hostage liberation” by Democrats who claim freedom without a climate impact study is irresponsible. Read More.
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Trump Slaps 100% Tariff on China, Sends Xi Jinping Into Emotional Support Panda Therapy
In a move that made globalists choke on their kale smoothies, President Trump announced a 100% tariff on all imports from China, proving once again that economic dominance looks best in red, white, and blue. Read More.
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British Billionaire Suddenly Discovers America Exists, Immediately Stops Funding Left-Wing Chaos Factory
After funding a $553 million progressive circus, British billionaire Christopher Hohn has suddenly decided to stop bankrolling left-wing chaos—apparently after discovering Americans noticed. Read More.
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Blessed Are The Dealmakers! Trump Ends War, Requests Nobel, And Also A Trophy Dog
A deliciously tidy peace deal appears overnight, and the man who brought it is already polishing his Nobel speech — between Truth Social posts and press photos. Blaze Media Read More.
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Senate Republicans Confirm 107 Trump Nominees In One Glorious Procedural Fireworks Display
A government shutdown, a rule change and 107 nominees later — the Senate performed the political equivalent of stuffing a parade into a mail slot and calling it bipartisanship. Hilarity and indignation ensued in equal measure. Read More.
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Comey Pleads Not Guilty, Promises To Teach Courtroom How To Spell “Crossfire Hurricane”
A biting parody of the day James Comey traded memos for a microphone in federal court — arraigned on alleged false statements and obstruction, he pleaded not guilty and promised strict adherence to legal diction. Read More.
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Gold Crosses $4,000 As Panic Rebrands As “Progressive Retirement Plan”
Reuters says spot gold vaulted past $4,000 while silver sprinted toward $49, juiced by Fed-cut fever, ETF inhaling, central-bank hoarding, a weak dollar, and that “shutdown spice.” Read More.
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Trump Announces “Bagram, Baby!” Plan; Taliban, Pakistan Respond With The Classic ‘Not Today’ Face
A deal that reads like a geopolitical yard sale — US troops, Pakistani logistics, Taliban reservations, and a trunk full of Afghan minerals all trying to fit into one SUV. ZeroHedge Read More.
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