Articles

Supreme Court Hints It Might Actually Have To Decide Something, Just in Time for Friday

Just as Americans feared an uneventful week, the Supreme Court teases blockbuster rulings on tariffs, voting law, and even sports eligibility. Read More.

Rob Schneider Announces Hollywood ‘Rot’ Is Actually a New Theme Park Concept

After claiming conservative actors are blacklisted, Schneider reveals Hollywood’s downfall doubles as next big tourist destination. Read More.

Trump Declares He’ll “Run Venezuela” Until It Learns Common Sense — Or Oil Prices Drop

In a bold foreign policy pivot, America will govern Venezuela until chavismo is cured — or gasoline gets cheap again. Read More.

Tucker Carlson Claims Maduro Raid Was Actually a Plot to Legalize Gay Marriage

In the latest twist of the wildest geopolitical theory yet, conservative pundits connect Venezuela to LGBTQ+ policy reform — via secret ninja moon phases. Read More.

White House Says Economy Is Thriving After Americans Learn To Eat Optimism

Administration officials insist inflation is imaginary, groceries are affordable, and hunger is simply a mindset problem. Read More.

Trump Announces Venezuelan Government Will Now Be Run Entirely On TikTok Dances

After capturing Maduro, the White House reveals its bold new plan: diplomacy through viral choreography and justice through duet challenges. Read More.

Ohio Governor Cheers “Fraud: The Cost of Doing Business” As New Economic Policy

Ohio officially adopts fraud as economic stimulus — coming soon to a DMV near you! Read More.

Venezuelan “Peace Talks” Offer Includes Free Oil, Double-Dipping Sanctions, and Possibly Tacos

Maduro invites Trump to peace talks on narcotrafficking and oil — because nothing says diplomacy like swapping crude for cooperation. Read More.

Supreme Court Chief Justice Reassures Nation Constitution Is “Firm & Unshaken” Before Next Blockbuster Decision

Roberts channels Coolidge, calming the masses while secretly waiting for popcorn-worthy rulings. Read More.

Georgia Legend Marjorie Taylor Greene Declares War on “Lying” MAGA Commentator in Civilizational Showdown

MTG accuses conservative commentator of treachery, sparking epic internecine culture clash on the right. Read More.

White House Announces New Press Secretary Fluent in Gaslighting and Eye-Rolling

The administration unveils a press secretary specially trained to dismiss reality, reframe failure, and scold Americans for noticing. Read More.

Trump’s “America First Foreign Concierge Service” Replaces Career Ambassadors

Trump’s purge of diplomats turns global diplomacy into a personal travel concierge package, complete with MAGA flags and tiny bottles of hand sanitizer. Read More.

Trump’s 2026 Foreign Policy: ‘Why Not Israel Prize AND Putin Phone Call?’ Critics Say It’s Just Too Generously Confusing

In a dazzling display of bipartisan head-scratching, Trump gets ready to meet Zelensky after snagging the Israel Prize — and the world collectively asks, “Huh?” Read More.

Minnesota Gov Announces New ‘Fraudland’ Theme Park to Celebrate $9B in State Budget ‘Oversight

In a stunning budget twist, Minnesota reveals a fraud-themed amusement park — complete with rides funded by fraud. Read More.

Media Declares Border Crisis Over After Renaming It “Unplanned Tourism”

Officials and pundits celebrate bold linguistic victory as chaos continues, but now sounds compassionate and properly approved by experts. Read More.