Articles

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Trump Declares Minnesota ‘Insurrection Simulator’ Open for Business, Promises Military Incentives
In a bold new policy twist, Trump threatens to unleash the Insurrection Act — not for actual riots, but because somebody might be upset someday. Read More.
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Tory Party Becomes Real-Life Whac-A-Mole as Leader Fires Rival Before Rival Can Quit
In a breathtaking display of intra-party enthusiasm, Britain’s Tories perfect the art of firing before defecting — a political achievement no one asked for. Read More.
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Supreme Court Debates Whether Girls’ Sports Teams Need Testosterone Tests or Dad Jokes
Supreme Court justices go deep into sports fairness — and accidentally rediscover middle school gym class trauma. Read More.
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Minnesota GOP Files Impeachment Papers Because ‘Walz Might Have Used a Pen Wrong
Minnesota Republicans launch an impeachment crusade so fervent it may require its own reality TV spinoff. Read More.
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Operation Metro Surge or ‘Minnesota Ice Rink’ — Federal Agents Slip, Slide, and Sue Their Way Into History
When federal ICE agents rolled into Minneapolis this week, they didn’t expect lawsuits, protests, or Costco lines. But that’s what happens in the new immigration blitz era! Read More.
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Bongino’s Great FBI Escape: Ex-Deputy Director Vanishes Back Into Podcast Echo Chamber
Ex-FBI #2 Dan Bongino exits bureau faster than a liberal crying at a national anthem, vowing to bring justice via microphone. Read More.
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Senate Accidentally Passes Bill Declaring ‘Jan. 6 Was a Livestream Party,’ Sponsors Demand Live DJ Next Time
In a procedural oops, lawmakers label Jan. 6 a “livestream celebration”; sponsors now request DJs for all future historic events. Read More.
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Exclusive: Anti-ICE Protesters Demand Traffic Lights Turn Red Only for Migrant SUVs
Woke demonstrators now insist traffic lights discriminate unless only migrant SUVs trigger green — progress!!! Read More.
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Portland Police Weeps as Cop Apologizes to Latinos for Feeling Feelings; City Offers Safe Space Coloring Books
When feelings outweigh facts, even law enforcement gets therapy and crayons — a liberal utopia is born. Read More.
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Nation Shocked as Minnesotan ICE Fundraiser Outraises Hollywood Blockbuster With 0-Star Reviews
A grassroots ICE support site crushes Hollywood at the box office, proving America still believes in heroes, not woke musicals. Read More.
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Republican Strategists to Solve 2026 Election by Designing “Winning” Vote — Literally Drawn by Crayons
As Republicans debate strategy, one campaign guru proposes replacing polls with finger-paint forecasts and coloring books. It’s bold, it’s untested, and it definitely isn’t math. Read More.
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Minneapolis Federal Standoff Rebranded as “Hide and Seek With Hot Lead” by DHS Spokesperson
When ICE goes to Minneapolis, apparently the rules of engagement are “musical chairs with bullets.” A federal agent’s quick trigger ignites a comedy of errors between feds, city officials, and TikTok lawyers. Read More.
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Experts Say Americans Must Lower Expectations To Fight Climate Change
Climate leaders urged citizens to embrace colder homes, emptier wallets, and fewer choices in order to save the planet responsibly. Read More.
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White House Announces New Task Force To Combat Wrong Opinions Online
The administration unveiled a digital task force dedicated to protecting democracy by aggressively correcting citizens who misunderstand reality. Read More.
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Supreme Court Hints It Might Actually Have To Decide Something, Just in Time for Friday
Just as Americans feared an uneventful week, the Supreme Court teases blockbuster rulings on tariffs, voting law, and even sports eligibility. Read More.
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