Articles

America — Because Dual Citizenship Makes Hearts Faint and Loyalties Confuse

US politicians decide dual citizenship is un-American. Or is it un-Congressional? Either way, pick one or get out. Read More.

Laser Justice: How Israel’s High-Tech Toothpick Will Save Humanity

Israel swaps expensive missiles for a high-speed death laser – turns out the future of warfare smells faintly of sci-fi and budget cuts. Read More.

Senate Discovers New Constitutional Crisis: Prosecutors Too Popular to Prosecute

When even the justice system wants nothing to do with your case — must be something unconstitutional in the air. Read More.

White House Abruptly Clarifies: ‘We Didn’t Tell Navy to Shoot Survivors, Admiral Did That

When military orders get more confusing than woke DEI guidelines — welcome to government transparency theatre. Read More.

“War-Crime!” Outrage After Boat Strike — Congress Blames Paperwork Error

Congress demands resignations over “war-crimes” — actually caused by mislabeled memo and a missing coffee-stain on the order form. Read More.

Trump Halts “Autopen Asylum” — Border Agents Replace Migrants With Selfie-Sticks

Washington “solves” illegal immigration by rolling out selfie-sticks and promises that no human alien will cross — only ghosts and TikTok clips. Read More.

Hypocrisy Holiday: Woke Left Declares “Thanksgiving Mourning,” America Wonders If Turkey Was Offended

The Left rewrites Thanksgiving as a “day of mourning,” because apparently even turkeys are guilty until proven innocent. Read More.

Billion-Dollar Burnout: FBI Arrests Surge and America Discovers It’s Because Crime Is Back in Style

The FBI arrests for assaulting federal officers triple — apparently Americans suddenly rediscovered crime, and the boys in blue couldn’t believe their lucky day. Read More.

Deport ‘Em All! Trump's DHS Reminds Burmese Nationals: Your Stay Was Temporary — Like Avocado Toast

Burmese migrants learn that “temporary protection” under the U.S. is about as permanent as yesterday’s artisanal brunch. Read More.

Peace at Last? Trump’s “28-Point Plan” Turns Diplomacy into Fast-Food Combo Deal

A triumphant peace deal becomes the latest “combo meal” in geopolitics — order two territories, get a ceasefire free. Read More.

Survey Finds Most 40-Something Voters Want ‘Democratic Socialist’ President — Because Why Not?”

New poll reveals under-40 voters are fine with socialism, as long as it’s democratic and in vogue. Read More.

Electricity Prices to Drop — But Only if You Believe in Miracles First

The government says electricity bills will finally fall — as soon as unicorns finish constructing the new power plants. Read More.

McCarthy Calls MTG Departure “Canary in Coal Mine” — GOP Now Wears Gas Masks

GOP warns of fume-filled future after one congresswoman leaves — apparently the air is too woke to stay inside. Read More.

DOGE Government Breaks Wasteful Spending — Announces Cuts and New Friday Comedy Hour

Because nothing says fiscal responsibility like firing 78 contracts then re-branding bankruptcy as ‘savings.’ Read More.

Military Must Obey Democrats? House Leader Claims Weak Premiums Sink US

A leading Democrat warns insurance premiums are “going to blow up” unless the government rescues them — while stating the obvious. Read More.

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