Articles

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Beijing Plays Monopoly with U.S. Trade—Trump Lands on “Go Directly to Jail”
President Trump’s attempt at being “Mr. Nice Guy” in trade negotiations with China has reportedly ended in betrayal, as he accuses Beijing of violating their agreement—proving once again that in international trade, nice guys finish last. Read More.
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Tapper’s Publisher Offers Refund in Woke Points or Kale Coupons
In a heartwarming moment for conservatives everywhere, Jake Tapper’s latest literary cry for help sold about three copies — two of which were accidentally ordered by his mom trying to buy cat food. Even CNN interns refused the free copies, citing “mental health concerns.” Read More.
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Trump Threatens To Replace Powell With Magic 8-Ball That Says “Cut Rates” Every Time
In a meeting that economists are calling "economically educational for absolutely no one," Trump confronted Jerome Powell and demanded the Federal Reserve cut rates — or else. Powell responded by blinking twice and asking for a restraining order. Read More.
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Musk Quits After Learning Government Can’t Be ‘Upgraded to Beta’
Elon Musk has stepped down from his role in the Trump administration after discovering that launching Mars missions is easier than navigating government paperwork. Sources say he also couldn’t figure out how to update the White House microwave. Read More.
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Trump Warns Putin: “You’re Playing With Fire,” Putin Asks, “Can I Roast Marshmallows?”
Trump blasted Putin for “playing with fire,” the Kremlin blamed it on his “emotions,” and Zelensky was told to zip it. Somewhere in all this, international diplomacy became a flaming group chat. Read More.
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SpaceX Launches Starship And Musk’s Career Out Of Washington At Same Time
Musk, once hailed as “First Buddy” of the Trump White House, now says D.C. is worse than a Tesla battery in January — slow, expensive, and prone to spontaneous combustion. Read More.
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Biden’s Inner Circle Declares Coup Against Reality “For His Own Good”
Biden’s staffers reportedly plotted to keep the President in office using techniques inspired by Soviet handlers and Disney animatronics. But don’t worry — it was all in the name of “saving democracy.” Read More.
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Harvard Hit With Reality: Trade Schools Now America’s Ivy League
Trump has decided to stop funding elite whining and start funding welders. $3 billion formerly used to produce professional protesters will now train real Americans. Read More.
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Globalists Shiver as Trump Unleashes Tariff Tsunami on EU Nonsense
President Trump, in a heroic act of economic patriotism, slapped a 50% tariff on EU goods after Brussels refused to worship American lobster exports. Brussels cried. Trump posted. Read More.
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Harvard Dean of Admissions Declares War on ICE, Armed with Gender Studies Degrees
After Trump suggested foreign students without valid visas should leave, Harvard declared itself an independent global superpower—armed with tote bags and moral superiority. Read More.
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Golden Dome: Now With Extra Syrup and Canadian Tears
Mark Carney signs on to Trump’s $175B missile defense system, mistaking it for a luxury weather balloon that identifies as "safe space." Read More.
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Democrats Denounce Bill as ‘Too American’ — File Lawsuit with United Nations
President Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” just bulldozed through the House, triggering historic liberal hysteria and record avocado toast sales in San Francisco. Read More.
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Trump Turns Oval Office Into MAGA Netflix — South African Edition
President Trump stunned the South African president by forcing him to sit through a video of anti-white hate speech. The Oval Office now doubles as a truth-telling theater — bring your own popcorn and progressive tears. Read More.
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Hillary Unveils ‘Womb-Free America’ Plan: Immigrants Welcome, Babies Optional
In a dazzling display of globalist gymnastics, Hillary Clinton praised illegal immigrants for “replenishing” America’s population while ridiculing conservatives for encouraging U.S. women to have children. Apparently, the future of America lies not in the nursery, but at the border. Read More.
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James Comey’s Summer Job: Sand-Based Assassination Attempts
James Comey arranges seashells to say “86 47” on a beach, then claims it was just a coincidence — right after the Secret Service booked a one-way ticket to interrogate Neptune. Read More.
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