The UN, feeling ghosted by major multinationals, prepares a new conference to finally snag corporate RSVPs—because who cares about world peace when you’ve got PowerPoints? Read More.
When the elites say “no one cares about culture anymore,” someone should hand them a salad fork—they’ve already thrown away the kitchen table. Read More.
In a patriotic steak-crusade, Trump orders the DOJ to investigate “foreign-owned” meatpackers in a dramatic protection of American ranchers. Read More.
President Trump recommended redirecting hundreds of billions in Obamacare insurance company payments directly to Americans so they can purchase their own healthcare, causing Democrats to frantically search for reasons why people shouldn't control their own money. Read More.
Tesla shareholders are voting on a record-setting $1 trillion pay package designed to keep Elon Musk from wandering off to his other hobbies like colonizing Mars or renaming social media platforms. Read More.
Recently unsealed emails show James Comey privately celebrating his expected promotion under “President Hillary,” while overseeing leaks designed to help her win. He was reportedly surprised to discover democracy still required voters. Read More.
Elon Musk sounded the alarm over socialist mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani’s plan to transform New York City into a fully renewable utopia powered by moral superiority and other non-fungible resources. Read More.
Former President Barack Obama reportedly declined to endorse New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani this week, citing a “longstanding rule” against meddling in local elections — a rule he apparently discovered only after realizing Mamdani calls himself a socialist. Read More.
President Trump announced a “massive tariff cut” following his meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping, proudly describing the new 10% rate as “a tremendous reduction,” despite aides confirming the actual number hovered near 47%. Read More.
Bill Gates, once the world’s loudest prophet of planetary doom, has quietly updated Earth’s expiration date to “TBD,” citing new data — and possibly new stock positions. Read More.
The Trump administration warned that over 42 million Americans could lose food stamps if Democrats continue blocking a funding bill — effectively threatening their own base with exposure to the free market. Read More.
President Javier Milei’s party scored a massive victory in Argentina’s midterm elections after voters decided decades of socialism were enough poverty for one lifetime. Read More.
