Articles

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Even the Trade Deficit Just Voted Trump 2024… Again
Under President Trump’s ironclad America First policies, the U.S. trade deficit plummets — not because the people are poor, but because they’re done funding foreign nonsense. Americans are finally importing less weakness and more winning. Read More.
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Hillary Clinton Shocked to Learn ‘Treason’ Is Still Technically Illegal
As the Russiagate rug gets pulled, Clinton, Brennan, and their elite club of “collusion creatives” may soon find out that orchestrating a hoax with the FBI isn’t covered by HR’s "Fun & Games" policy. Read More.
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Arizona Miracle: Copper Mine Opens After Only One Ice Age
In a stunning turn of events, a copper mine might actually open in America—without requiring a UN peacekeeping force, a prayer circle, or AOC’s handwritten permission slip. Read More.
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Trump Sells Wind to EU, Declares Himself “Supreme Deal Wizard of the West”
Donald Trump just signed the most powerful trade deal in human history—according to Donald Trump—while taking a break between golf swings and windmill rants. Read More.
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Obama Sends Trump Fruit Basket With “Thanks For the Immunity, Bro” Note
Trump credits Supreme Court immunity ruling for keeping Obama out of jail — and hilariously demands a thank-you card while Democrats scramble to explain how "implausible" intel just sort of... happened. Read More.
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Trump Declares War On Tent Cities, Sends AOC’s Favorite “Sidewalk Urbanists” To Rehab
Trump signs executive order to clean up America's sidewalks, sparking national panic among Democrats who believe street camping is a constitutional right. Read More.
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House Republicans Heroically Subpoena Ghislaine Maxwell, Courageously Avoid Looking at Epstein Files
House Republicans have bravely subpoenaed a jailed Ghislaine Maxwell—while accidentally-on-purpose ignoring the stack of Epstein files with all the actual names. Because nothing says “accountability” like interrogating the receptionist while torching the guest list. Read More.
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Foreign Hackers Break Into U.S. Nuke Program, Leave After Realizing It’s Just A Bunch Of PowerPoints
Foreign hackers infiltrated the U.S. nuclear weapons agency — but don’t worry, only a “very small number” of crucial systems were compromised. Like, maybe just the button. Read More.
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Pentagon Shocked To Discover Batteries Don’t Grow On Trees, China Owns Them All
A hilarious exposé on how America outsourced its defense tech power supply to China, then acted shocked when China locked the battery drawer. Featuring clueless bureaucrats, Green New Deal delusions, and the ultimate “Made in China” national security crisis. Read More.
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New Report Confirms 2016 Intel Briefings Written Entirely By Rachel Maddow’s Hair Stylist
A newly declassified report reveals that the intelligence community, under direct orders from President Obama, basically tossed truth out the window and replaced it with a Mad Libs fanfic about Putin loving Trump. Spoiler: They had zero proof. Read More.
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Kamala Harris Marks One Year Since Nation Pretended To Be Interested
Kamala Harris took to X (formerly Twitter, still irrelevant) to celebrate one year since launching the most aggressively forgettable presidential campaign in American history. Naturally, America responded with laughter and memes. Read More.
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Trump Releases MLK Files, Democrats Demand Return To Secrecy To Protect "National Confusion"
President Trump unleashes 230,000 MLK-related files. Democrats panic as transparency threatens their favorite historical revision dramas. Read More.
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Obama Accused Of Running Shadow Government From Secret Volcano Lair With Soros On Hoverboard
Tulsi Gabbard dropped a political nuke the size of Mount Rushmore, accusing Barack Obama of launching a Marvel villain–level treason plot against President Trump — and we’re still waiting for Chuck Schumer to claim it was just “an interpretive dance.” Read More.
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Comey’s Daughter Fired, Emotional Support Resistance Goats Deployed to DOJ
President Trump’s DOJ takes a flamethrower to the Deep State—Maurene Comey out, tears in, and the Resistance is bracing for the real insurrection: job loss. Read More.
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Congress Accidentally Regulates Freedom, Applauds Self for “Genius” Move Alternative Headlines
Congress bravely storms the beach of innovation — then plants the flag of government surveillance right in the sand. The GENIUS Act proves once again that if there’s freedom somewhere, DC will regulate it out of existence. Read More.
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