A gleefully absurd parody of Putin and Trump’s imminently planned meeting, hyped as world‑changing but grounded in vague venue talk, booming markets, and impossible expectations.
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Lockheed Martin unveils plan to intercept enemy missiles from space — using advanced technology, a heap of taxpayer cash, and possibly Oprah’s book club. Read More.
President Trump hits India with a 25% tariff for buying oil from Russia. Turns out, playing footsie with Putin gets you a slap from Uncle Don. Read More.
A bombshell exposé reveals the Biden White House coordinated a government-wide “lawfare fiesta” to stop Trump from winning in 2024—because apparently ballots are just too risky when democracy might vote the wrong way.
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In a visionary sermon delivered from his golden golf throne in Scotland, President Trump eased America’s nerves about AI stealing jobs by explaining that robots will create jobs — possibly even the ones they just stole. Read More.
President Trump deploys nuclear subs to an “appropriate region” after getting trolled by Medvedev. World holds breath as Witkoff prepares to negotiate peace using nothing but a stern look and Mar-a-Lago merch.
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After getting ghosted by Putin, Trump scrapped peace talks and sent nuclear subs like an angry ex mailing pipe bombs. Medvedev trolled, Trump torpedoed. Read More.
The U.S. added a glorious 73,000 jobs in July—most of them in the emotional support sector—while unemployment waltzed up to 4.2%. The White House called it a "victory for vibes-based hiring." Read More.
JD Vance performed a dark, forbidden ritual on BlazeTV: he asked questions about Epstein that didn’t involve Trump. Panic ensued in the Beltway.
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Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, speaking through what sounded like a potato on dial-up internet, demanded that the world finally uninstall Vladimir Putin and reboot Russia in safe mode. Read More.
Trump slaps down Russia’s backup villain Dmitry Medvedev with a flaming Truth Social post, calls India’s economy a junkyard, and reminds both nations who’s boss. Read More.
President Trump might skip the G20 in South Africa because apparently "land reform" is a euphemism for "farm the farmers." He's considering sending someone else—possibly a bolder, smarter lifeform like a MAGA hat or Ivanka’s AI clone.
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Chuck Schumer is now America’s top conspiracy theorist, demanding the FBI protect the nation from Epstein files... and maybe also psychic brainwaves and invisible Trump clones. Read More.
Under President Trump’s ironclad America First policies, the U.S. trade deficit plummets — not because the people are poor, but because they’re done funding foreign nonsense. Americans are finally importing less weakness and more winning. Read More.
As the Russiagate rug gets pulled, Clinton, Brennan, and their elite club of “collusion creatives” may soon find out that orchestrating a hoax with the FBI isn’t covered by HR’s "Fun & Games" policy. Read More.
