FROM BROMANCE TO BROKE-NANCE
After helping Trump win 2024, Musk lived at the White House like it was an extended Joe Rogan interview. But now he says the feds treated him and his DOGE boys like “whipping boys.” Chuck Schumer allegedly thought DOGE was a rogue Chinese spy balloon.
WHITE HOUSE JOB SLASH FESTIVAL BACKFIRES
Musk’s plan to “trim the fat” in D.C. somehow translated to firing 3,000 EPA interns and replacing them with a chatbot named “LibertyPrime.exe.” Bureaucrats revolted by torching Teslas like 1999 boy band posters.
MARS SOUNDS BETTER THAN MORDOR
Wearing an “Occupy Mars” shirt, Musk confessed, “I may have gotten too politically horny. D.C. is like a giant HOA with nukes.”
TRUMP’S BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL = BIG DUMB DEBT
Musk finally snapped after Trump’s $3.8 trillion mega-bill. “I expected big and beautiful — not broke and bloated,” he said while launching Starship and his political relevance into the stratosphere.
ELON ESCAPES SWAMP, RETREATS TO SPACE
He’s out. He’s done. He’s gone full anti-bureaucracy, anti-debt, and possibly anti-Earth. The Musk-Trump love story ends — not with a bang, but with a launch countdown.
Would you like a version that exaggerates the “DOGE as scapegoat” angle next? Or perhaps something focused on the budget/spending side?
