Articles

Supreme Court Declares Reality Still Exists, Activists Demand Emergency Recount

After another high-profile Supreme Court ruling, advocacy groups reportedly insist reality itself must undergo mandatory sensitivity training. Read More.

Climate Experts Declare Heat Waves Officially Caused by American Barbecue Grills

After another summer scorcher, global experts unveil a groundbreaking report blaming suburban cookouts for weather patterns worldwide. Read More.

Progressive Coalition Launches Emergency Task Force to Protect Facts from Voters

After another week of inconvenient headlines, political strategists unveil a bold new plan to shield facts from unsuspecting citizens. Read More.

New Government Office Opens to Study Why Bureaucracy Keeps Creating More Bureaucracy

Federal officials launch another agency to investigate government growth, immediately hiring 900 administrators to oversee it. Read More.

Democrats Declare Bible Stories Unsafe After Kids Start Recognizing Heroes

Education leaders panic as students begin identifying courage, truth, and personal responsibility after hearing Bible stories. Read More.

City Launches Luxury Waiting List So Everyone Can Experience Equality Together

Officials unveil a revolutionary economic plan where prosperity is delayed equally, except for the planners running it. Read More.

Bureaucrats Declare Constitution "Problematic" After It Refuses Latest Software Update

Government agencies reportedly place the Constitution into "legacy mode" after another Supreme Court ruling interrupts their favorite shortcuts. Read More.

Washington Opens Office of Election Feelings After Citizenship Debate Gets Uncomfortable

Officials unveil a new bureaucracy dedicated to protecting political emotions from exposure to inconvenient election questions. Read More.

Education Department Opens Investigation Into Students Accidentally Learning Something

Federal investigators rush to examine reports that several classrooms may have prioritized education over fashionable ideology. Read More.

NATO Members Discover Defense Spending Easier Than Defending Anything

Alliance leaders celebrate defense commitments by investing billions in consultants who will explain why actual defense remains problematic. Read More.

New York Voters Replace Congress With Community Theater Cast

Progressive candidates sweep New York primaries, prompting officials to replace Congress with an improv troupe to save time and taxpayer money. Read More.

Federal Judge Blocks Gravity For Being Too Coercive

Activists celebrate after a federal judge rules that gravity unfairly pressures people to comply with reality. Read More.

Protesters Demand Peace By Setting Fire To More Peace

Activists insist destruction is the fastest route to harmony, unveiling a new strategy that somehow requires even more chaos. Read More.

Supreme Court Braces For National Shortage Of Biological Reality

As debate over women's sports intensifies, experts warn America may soon need emergency reserves of common sense. Read More.

Homeland Security Launches Subscription Service For Self-Deportation Enthusiasts

New border enforcement successes inspire government to unveil premium self-deportation packages with rewards points and airport lounge access. Read More.