THE DICTATOR WHO GHOSTED DIPLOMACY
In classic “I’m-not-panicking-you’re-panicking” fashion, Putin decided to no-show the Ukraine peace summit in Turkey, citing totally believable reasons like “logistics” and “definitely not because I’m losing.” According to Kremlin officials, he’s got too many things going on—like avoiding responsibility, updating propaganda scripts, and Googling ‘How to Exit a Quagmire with Dignity.’
TURKEY WAITS. PUTIN HITS SNOOZE
While world leaders prep for actual discussions, Putin’s RSVP was reportedly just the word “LOL.” Inside sources say the Russian leader plans to spend Thursday rehearsing speeches for imaginary military victories and deep-faking a tan in Sochi.
TRUMP WOULD'VE HAD THIS WRAPPED BY LUNCH
Let’s be honest: if Trump were in charge, this war would’ve been over by his second Diet Coke. Instead, we’ve got Putin ducking meetings and Zelensky begging for another EU award. No peace, just drama.
KREMLIN STRATEGY: DELAY, DENY, DISAPPEAR
According to a “top” Kremlin source (probably the guy duct-taping maps back together), Russia’s new war plan is “just wait and see what happens if we pretend we’re not involved.” Great strategy, Vlad. Genius.
FINAL WORD: MAGA WOULD NEVER
While Putin skips out and Biden naps through it, the world’s learning the hard way: there’s only one leader who ends wars, makes peace, and still shows up on time— TRUMP. Peace through strength, not ghosting.
