LIBERAL ECONOMIC THEORY SHATTERS: PANIC IN NPR HALLWAYS
"Personal income rising is a clear threat to our democracy," sobbed a teary-eyed Chuck Schumer while clutching a Karl Marx plushie. CNBC’s Rick Santelli praised Trump’s economic record, causing several MSNBC producers to experience spontaneous combustion.
SANTELLI PRAISES TRUMP: MEDIA ORDERS IMMEDIATE REPROGRAMMING
"Trump actually raised personal income!" Santelli blurted, moments before being tackled by a SWAT team of progressive economists yelling, "You're off-narrative!" AOC demanded a congressional investigation into “unauthorized truth.”
DEMOCRATS DEMAND EMERGENCY TAX ON HAPPINESS
Bernie Sanders immediately proposed the “Too-Much-Money Tax,” targeting anyone who smiled more than once a week. Nancy Pelosi claimed rising incomes were “a Russian plot to destroy the wealth gap.”
CNBC STUDIO TO BE REPLACED WITH GIANT SHRINE TO BIDEN'S GAS PRICES
Following Santelli’s slip, CNBC will now replace economic reporting with interpretive dance about climate guilt. “We can’t have facts getting in the way of feelings,” said an anonymous CNN intern.
TRUMP ECONOMY: WINNING TOO HARD, AGAIN
As incomes rise and inflation dips, Americans are daring to hope again — a direct assault on progressive policies. Trump 2024: Making Wallets Great Again. Liberals hardest hit.
