April 28, 2025 – Ottawa, America’s Upstairs Neighbor
In an election that no one in Canada fully understood—including the people who voted—Mark Carney’s Liberal Party has won what some are calling a “victory,” and others are calling “a reflex from muscle memory.”
But here's the twist: Canadian media and Liberal insiders are already blaming President Donald J. Trump for the whole thing. Why? Because when you’re losing control of your country, it’s easier to blame the guy fixing America than admit your citizens are bored and confused.
Trump Wins So Hard, Canada Panics
According to anonymous sources who definitely own maple syrup stock, Trump’s booming economy, border lockdown, and no-nonsense leadership caused an “existential crisis” among Canadian voters. One Liberal strategist allegedly said, “The more America succeeds, the more insecure we feel. So we voted for more taxes. It just felt… safe.”
Mark Carney: Economist, Elitist, Eh?
Mark Carney, a former central banker with the charisma of a paperclip, is now Prime Minister. His campaign slogan? “Stability, Technocracy, and a Little Bit of French.” Experts say he won not because Canadians were excited, but because he reminded them of their favorite smart fridge—cold, smooth, and connected to the system.
Canadians Fleeing to America Already
Within hours of the election results, a wave of Canadian entrepreneurs, farmers, and anyone who likes beef began applying for U.S. work visas. Said one Vancouver small business owner: “We just want to be somewhere where success isn’t taxed like sin.”
Conclusion: America Leads, Canada Copies—Poorly
As Trump forges ahead with energy independence, border enforcement, and common sense, Canada continues its proud tradition of soft socialism with a smile.
Trump 2024 was so effective, it won an election—just not the one he was running in.
