Mar-a-Lago, FL — In a heroic plot twist, President Donald J. Trump just announced a 100% tariff on all foreign-made films, triggering the CCP, French film critics, and every Democrat with a Criterion Collection.
“We’re done funding sad French café movies and Chinese propaganda,” Trump declared. “We’re bringing back real films—Top Gun, Rocky, and Home Alone 2 (I’m in that, you know).”
Hollywood Panics, France Cries, China Throws a Fit
Xi Jinping reportedly hurled Kung Fu Panda into the South China Sea. Pelosi cancelled her Italian film club. AOC called it “cultural genocide” (then asked what a tariff is). Obama began penning a memoir defending French subtitles. Bernie wept into his Soviet VHS collection.
Globalists Hate It. America Loves It.
Liberal elites mourn. Patriots rejoice. Trump just did what no Democrat dared—made Hollywood American again.
Next up: mandatory car chases and American flags in every film. God bless the USA.
