They Never Thought She’d Lose... Or Get Investigated
Hillary Clinton reportedly screamed into a gluten-free kale pillow after learning that yes, crafting a deep-state fantasy involving Russian unicorns and Trump mind-control lasers might actually land her in court. CIA Director John Ratcliffe dropped the bombshell, and somewhere in D.C., a Chardonnay glass shattered.
Comey, Brennan, Clapper — The Men Who Knew Too Much About Fabricating Stuff
Comey is now claiming his false FISA warrants were “performance art,” while Brennan told CNN that lying to Congress is just "how we say hello in Langley." Clapper? He’s already building a fallout bunker out of expired MSNBC scripts.
Obama Allegedly Immune, But His Henchmen Are Very Much Arrestable
Trump noted the Supreme Court’s ruling on presidential immunity might shield Obama — but everyone else? Open season. Tulsi Gabbard personally delivered DOJ referrals using eco-friendly bullet points, making libs question whether treason is carbon-neutral.
BREAKING: Hillary Considers Pleading Insanity... Based on Her 2016 Campaign Strategy
Insiders say Hillary's defense might rest on a powerful legal argument: “I thought it was still 1998.” Meanwhile, she’s repackaging the Russia hoax into a Broadway musical starring James Comey as “Deep Throat with Feelings.”
Trump Declares: ‘LOCK HER UP’ Wasn’t a Chant — It Was Prophecy
As indictments loom, MAGA Nation breaks into spontaneous chants at gas stations, barbershops, and Little League games. Trump reportedly smiled and said, “Turns out, justice is coming... just fashionably late, like Hillary to Wisconsin.”
