ONE YEAR LATER: STILL ZERO MOMENTUM
In an emotionally robotic post, Harris marked the anniversary of her 107-day sprint to obscurity, writing, “We are in this fight together,” presumably referring to the struggle to remember any of her policies. She posted glamour shots from the campaign, because if you can’t win voters, at least win a pity like.
NATION STRUGGLES TO REMEMBER CAMPAIGN EXISTED
Most Americans responded with, “Wait, that happened?” Political historians confirm the only memorable thing from Harris’s campaign was the collective national shrug. One voter commented, “I thought she dropped out in 2020. Or was that just her polling numbers?”
ARTIFICIAL INSPIRATION MODULE ACTIVATED
Kamala praised citizens for “attending protests” and “building community,” which apparently now includes Instagramming your chai latte. “Their courage inspires me,” she wrote, moments before crashing like her approval ratings.
TRUMP SUPPORTERS SEND HER A TROPHY FOR PARTICIPATION
In a touching show of bipartisan mockery, Trump supporters offered Harris a gold-plated “Nice Try!” ribbon. “We were all rooting for her,” Trump said sarcastically. “Every failed campaign brings us closer to another MAGA landslide.”
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN OF CAMPAIGN CRINGE
As the article closes, Harris is reportedly planning to commemorate the 18-month anniversary of her campaign’s second debate gaffe. Meanwhile, Trump 2028 banners are already being printed — because someone has to win elections around here.
