TRUMP RIPS OFF THE BAND-AID OF TRUTH
In a move that left MSNBC anchors clutching their pearls and Chuck Schumer hyperventilating into a soy-scented inhaler, President Trump greenlit the release of over 230,000 previously classified MLK assassination documents. “Transparency is now domestic terrorism,” whispered a tearful Joy Reid.
TULSI GOES FULL ROGUE
Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, now fully unchained from the Democratic Matrix, stood atop a literal mountain of documents and declared, “Here’s your truth. Choke on it.” AOC immediately demanded a Congressional ban on facts without trigger warnings.
FBI’S WORST NIGHTMARE: RECEIPTS
The newly released files show the FBI was more interested in wiretapping civil rights leaders than actually stopping their assassins. “This could damage our reputation,” sobbed a 97-year-old agent who still calls J. Edgar Hoover “sweetheart.”
DEMOCRATS RACE TO REWRITE HISTORY (AGAIN)
Hillary Clinton demanded the documents be deleted — again. Gavin Newsom proposed California secede from reality. “If the truth doesn't support the narrative, we must abolish the truth,” he heroically declared while banning MLK street names.
TRUMP TRIUMPHS, TRUTH WINS, HEADS EXPLODE
With a single executive order, Trump exposed decades of government secrets and liberal hypocrisy. CNN called it a “dark day for fiction writers.” MAGA hats flew off shelves. Somewhere, the ghost of MLK is facepalming...but at least he's finally being heard.
