TRUMPONOMICS SLASHES DEFICIT LIKE A TARIFF-POWERED CHAINSAW
The Commerce Department reported a glorious $10 billion drop in the trade gap — a.k.a., fewer shipments of Chinese fidget spinners and Euro-vegan shampoo. Real Americans are saying “no thanks” to imports and “yes please” to backyard grills and locally made ammo cases.
CONSUMERS FLEX PATRIOTISM BY BUYING NOTHING GLOBALIST
With consumer goods imports down 12.4%, experts say Americans are “spending smarter” — meaning they’d rather duct tape their old coffee maker than buy some fragile Euro-trash espresso machine. One shopper told reporters, “I trust my grandpa’s WWII can opener more than I trust German tech.”
CHINA FLINCHES, WALMART SHRINKS — THE TRUMP EFFECT
Tariff anticipation spooked the supply chain into early panic-stocking. Foreign exporters are trembling like Adam Schiff at a lie detector. Trump’s America is no longer a dumping ground for foreign plastic and U.N.-approved soy rations.
CLOSING THE GAP WITH PURE ALPHA ENERGY
While Democrats are busy holding candlelight vigils for cargo ships full of tofu, President Trump is delivering the goods — American-made goods. The deficit shrinks, the economy grows, and somewhere Gavin Newsom is crying into an oat milk latte.
