The Greatest Deal Since Moses Parted the Red Sea
Speaking from his Scottish golf fortress, Emperor Trump announced a deal so huge, so powerful, it made the Louisiana Purchase look like a used couch swap. "$750 billion in energy. That’s billion with a 'B', folks. Bigger than Bezos. More powerful than Thor’s hammer."
Windmills: The New Axis of Evil
Moments before the signing, Trump reminded everyone that windmills cause cancer, kill birds, and “probably colluded with Hunter’s laptop.” Yet, ironically, the EU bought American wind. "Wind’s fine when it's our wind," Trump clarified. “Freedom Wind.”
Military Equipment and Mystery Math
In a moment of deep economic clarity, Trump said the EU will buy "a vast amount" of U.S. military equipment—then added, “We don’t know what that number is, but it’s huge. Maybe infinity. Who knows?”
Epstein Who?
When a reporter dared mention the name “Epstein,” Trump burst into a wind-fueled rage. “Only a very sick person would bring that up. I was making deals, not visiting islands!”
Conclusion: Trump Wins, EU Buys Everything, Windmills Cry
With tariffs vanquished, windmills humbled, and Europe trembling under the force of Trump’s Art of the Deal, MAGA nation celebrates another flawless victory. Biden’s somewhere whispering to a ficus plant, while Trump golf-punches his way to Mount Rushmore 2.0.
