Articles

Pompano Beach, FL - In a move that surprised exactly no one familiar with the Sunshine State's unique brand of eccentricity, a Florida man, Billy "The Bard" Bobagano, attempted to woo an eight-foot alligator with a sonnet last Tuesday evening. The incident, which unfolded like a scene from a fever dream fueled by gatorade and questionable life choices, left onlookers both bewildered and oddly impressed. Read More.

A Florida sheriff's deputy is looking more like a cartoonish cop from "Reno 911!" on body cam footage of him mistaking an acorn hitting his patrol car for bullets ... prompting him to open fire on the vehicle. Read More.

SANCTIMONIOUSVILLE, CA - In a shocking display of consumer entitlement, Gerald "Jerry" Grumblesworth, 42, returned to the Church of Personal Choice yesterday demanding a full refund for his "free will." Grumblesworth, a self-proclaimed "free thinker," was apparently upset to discover that his free will came with limitations, namely, the lack of an endless supply of churros. Read More.

President Joe Biden has officially joined the Chinese app TikTok in an effort to reach younger voters. The president uploaded his first TikTok video on Sunday, alongside the caption, "lol hey guys." Read More.

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the Flat Earther community, a team of leading scientists has announced that Earth is, in fact, not flat. Instead, they claim it's simply "incredibly wrinkled." Read More.

The "Replacement" is happening right now. Read More.

Smalltown, USA - In a shocking turn of events, 72-year-old retiree Herbert Butterton has declared war on his socks, accusing them of "unfair thread advantage" and "persistent shrinkage conspiracies." Butterton, known for his eccentric gardening habits and fondness for polka music, made the announcement during a heated debate with his pet goldfish, Bartholomew, over the optimal watering schedule for petunias. Read More.

Which Biden is it? Dementia Joe or Crafty Joe? Read More.

CAIRO, EGYPT - In a groundbreaking discovery that's sure to rewrite history (and possibly offend it), archaeologists have unearthed a clay tablet dating back to 2500 BC, containing the earliest example of cancel culture ever found. The inscription, written in a primitive form of hieroglyphics, details a heated debate between two pharaohs over the proper use of pronouns for a particularly stubborn sphinx. Read More.

Squatters are ruining entire neighborhoods in Atlanta and police response to evict is so slow, some homeowners have resorted to paying nuisances to leave. Brazen squatters even opened an illegal st… Read More.

Forget RoboCop, the stoic cyborg of yesteryear. Meet Unit 7B, the latest marvel of crime-fighting technology, here to serve and protect… with slightly less drama and significantly more exclamation points! Read More.

“No bathroom breaks. No meal breaks. This is a good investment,” Adams said at the time. Read More.

In a stunning display of toddler tyranny, a group of kindergarteners at the prestigious "Little Sprouts Academy" have staged a protest demanding the immediate removal of all finger paints from their classrooms. They claim the vibrant colors are "microaggressive" and "triggering" to their delicate sensibilities. Read More.

Former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley could lose the Nevada primary to the "none of these candidates" option, according to a new survey, an outcome that would threaten her hopes of defeating former President Donald Trump. Read More.

Attention, sheeple! Big Pharma and Big Brother have joined forces in a nefarious plot to track your every move – and it's all hidden in the most innocent-looking place imaginable: your yearly flu shot! Read More.