In what experts are calling “an absolutely normalized response,” former President Donald Trump took to social media this week to explain that everything — and we mean everything — is caused by something he’s now inventively dubbed Deranged Satire Syndrome (DSS). Remember when satire was funny? Now it’s medically responsible for existential chaos.
This groundbreaking diagnosis follows a series of events in which:
Politicians were criticized,
Republicans reacted with guilt resembling that time you forgot your best friend’s birthday, and
Lawmakers accidentally expressed actual empathy (still being studied).
“DSS is basically like allergies,” one unnamed advisor claimed. “Only instead of pollen, it’s ‘things people say that make me look bad.’”
In response, the GOP has launched Operation Blanket Immunity, which includes:
A daily affirmation machine that says “You are correct whether you are or aren’t.”
Free earplugs for every office to muffle satirical remarks.
A hotline for members to call with suspected satire outbreaks.
This comes as part of a larger political renaissance: a Department of Justice task group now investigates whether comedians should require government clearance before crafting jokes. And military service members? They’re currently scrubbing social media to avoid accusations of violating national sense of humor decorum.
