Boeing and Alaska Airlines settle after a door plug blew off midflight, traumatizing passengers who had the audacity to expect cabin walls. In a shocking twist, the settlement did not include parachutes for future flights. Read More.
JD Vance broke a Senate tie to push through Trump’s $9.4 billion DOGE cuts, targeting bloated liberal darlings like NPR and foreign “aid” that teaches Bolivian tree frogs to decolonize their pronouns. Chaos ensued. Read More.
Joe Biden didn’t personally approve pardons for swaths of criminals—his pen did. Apparently, if it meets the criteria and clicks like a pen, it’s presidential approval!
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The Supreme Court gives Trump the green light to finally lay off half the Department of Education — and Democrats immediately begin CPR on their favorite bloated bureaucracy. Read More.
Dan Bongino may or may not have quit, but he definitely rage-ghosted after Pam Bondi treated the Epstein files like expired yogurt—tossed and forgotten. Meanwhile, the DOJ assures us Epstein self-deleted, pinky swear. Read More.
A 52-year-old keyboard commando from San Antonio attempts to LARP as a revolutionary in a Facebook comment section — and lands himself a starring role in “Cuffed: Texas Edition.” You won't believe his shock when the Secret Service didn’t hit "like."
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In a stunning turn of events, the Trump White House is now allegedly considering sanctions so massive, they might make Putin surrender faster than Hillary at a Wisconsin rally. Spoiler alert: it all hinges on tariffs and tantrums. Read More.
In a shocking act of governance, the State Department actually downsized — triggering mass hysteria, avocado toast shortages, and one Department-wide poetry reading vigil.
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A new book claims Trump privately warned Putin and Xi he’d turn Moscow and Beijing into glittery ash if they misbehaved. Democrats immediately accused Trump of “toxic masculinity” and not using the proper pronouns for nuclear weapons. Read More.
In a historic moment for non-answers, Biden’s doctor showed up to a Congressional interview and immediately transformed into a Fifth Amendment statue — while Democrats declared it a “strong medical diagnosis.”
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President Trump takes a verbal flamethrower to Putin’s fakery — and Obama's fleece-blanket diplomacy — reminding the world that "Javelins > Sheets" is foreign policy 101. Read More.
Justice Department sources confirm Brennan and Comey are finally under investigation. In response, CNN holds vigil for the rule of law — as long as it doesn’t apply to them.
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Trump announces more weapons for Ukraine, and suddenly Democrats rediscover their deep love for non-lethal conflict resolution — preferably using biodegradable hugs and feelings charts. Read More.
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu blew liberal minds by nominating Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize — because apparently ending wars is now “fascism” if Trump does it. Read More.
