In a bold attempt to teach the press the difference between "sources" and "slander," President Trump has launched a scorched-earth legal campaign that has CNN and The New York Times frantically Googling “defamation laws” between soy lattes. Read More.
President Trump jokingly (we think?) threatens Elon Musk with financial exile via DOGE-powered audit — proving that bromances end not with a bang, but with a meme coin. Read More.
In a dramatic 18-hour Senate standoff, Republicans push to pass Trump's $3.3 trillion "Tax Cuts + Bald Eagles" bill, while Democrats sob into climate pillows and beg for “fiscal responsibility” for the first time ever. Read More.
After giving Trump a constitutional W, Chief Justice Roberts begs politicians to stop saying mean things about judges before someone breaks a gavel in rage.
Read More.
In a move that has CNN anchors hyperventilating into reusable hemp bags, the Senate advanced Trump’s majestic “Big Beautiful” bill — a document so powerful it made Chuck Schumer twitch and Ron Johnson change his mind halfway through a sandwich. Read More.
New bombshell revelations suggest former FBI Director Christopher Wray may have moonlighted as China's favorite misinformation intern during the 2020 election, allegedly hiding intelligence about foreign interference — presumably beneath a stack of Rachel Maddow transcripts. Read More.
Senator John Thune bravely stood his ground this week—against his own party—by siding with the unelected Senate Parliamentarian who just gutted key parts of the GOP’s “Big, Beautiful Bill.” Republicans responded by issuing a collective sigh and scheduling a brunch. Read More.
Donald Trump calls on Israel to end Netanyahu’s corruption trial, claiming “witch hunts” and “cigar justice” threaten freedom. Also, apparently Bugs Bunny is now part of an international conspiracy. Read More.
NATO boss Mark Rutte accidentally calls Trump “daddy,” triggering a geopolitical Freudian slip that leaves Europe sucking its thumb and begging for bedtime stories. Read More.
In a shocking twist, Donald Trump ends a war in less time than it takes Gavin Newsom to fix a pothole — and now we’re supposed to act like that’s not hilarious? Read More.
Thomas Massie climbs the Capitol dome to deliver ominous warnings to Vice President JD Vance about the "ancient curse" of being Trump's right-hand man — citing the ghost of Mike Pence, still haunted by January 6th... and C-SPAN. Read More.
VP JD Vance reminds Iran that the U.S. military is fully charged, Constitutionally caffeinated, and locked in for another patriotic pummeling should they dare tinker with nukes again. Read More.
Trump has officially grounded Israel and Iran for launching post-curfew fireworks. The Middle East meltdown now has Big Daddy Trump yelling at both kids from the Oval Office lawn.
Read More.
Sources say Iran's ruling elite are preparing to unplug the Ayatollah and plug in literally anyone else as he reportedly begged Putin for backup—only to get ghosted harder than Hunter Biden’s laptop.
Read More.
Israel just vaporized Iran’s mood board for repression — and the mullahs are one tantrum away from calling HR. The Ayatollah’s inner circle is now applying essential oils to a scorched command bunker. Read More.
