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Conservatives Cheer as Costa Rica Gets a Red-White-Blue Makeover — Without Talking About Guns or Tacos
Costa Rica’s new conservative president promises liberty, coffee, and no weird football halftime protests — at least that’s the hope. Read More.
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Suella Braverman Says “I’ve Come Home” After Political Odyssey, Wanders Into Reform UK Rally
British politics reaches peak sitcom as ex-Tory home secretary swaps parties, sense of direction, and possibly socks. Read More.
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LinkedIn Accidentally Declares Patriotism “Hateful” Then Pretends It Was Just a Glitch
Big Tech calls pro-ICE post removal an “oopsie,” sparking memes, boycotts, and at least three lost connections. Read More.
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Johnson Announces ‘Ice Breaker’ Deal: Conservatives Thrilled To Fund ICE Only On Tuesdays
Conservatives rejoice as Mike Johnson cleverly rebrands ICE funding as “Tuesday-only exclusive,” boosting morale and concession stand sales. Read More.
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Turning Point USA’s Halftime Show Still Missing Headliner, Sponsors Including ‘Random Guitarist Who Knows Someone
With less than 10 days to go, TPUSA’s All-American Halftime Show boasts no confirmed acts — but it definitely has an enthusiastic roadie named Steve. Read More.
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President Announces “Board of Peace,” World Leaders Wonder If There’s A Spot For Philosophers Too
In a bold diplomatic gambit, the president launches a global peace board — mainly attended by countries whose biggest war is over tariffs. Read More.
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University Adds ‘Silence’ Requirement To Free Speech Policy For Safety
Administrators say students are free to express themselves—provided they do so quietly, briefly, and with institutional approval. Read More.
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University Introduces New Diversity Program Excluding Anyone Who Disagrees
School leaders celebrate inclusion by carefully filtering out students whose beliefs might make meetings uncomfortable. Read More.
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Federal Government Warns Democracy At Risk Unless Bureaucrats Get More Power
Officials say liberty must be temporarily restricted, indefinitely extended, and carefully supervised to ensure Americans remain completely free. Read More.
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Kristen Stewart Announces She Plans to “Shove European Films Down American Throats”
Hollywood star vows cultural invasion via arthouse cinema — Americans advised to watch cautiously. Read More.
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Supreme Court Faces Its Most Terrifying Case Ever: Can Trump Dismiss Fed Official Without Permission Slip?
Justices struggle to understand if firing a Fed governor breaks the universe or just tradition — popcorn recommended. Read More.
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Nation Holds First Annual Freeze-Your-Rights Celebration After Minnesota Becomes Winter Protest Theme Park
Snow, strikes, federal agents, and billion-dollar ICE budgets — finally a festival with something for everyone. Read More.
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Tim Walz Declares Minnesota a “Survival Reality Show” After National Guard Becomes Official Contestants
Walz pitches reality TV concept where only the fittest survive winter, protests, and political contradictions. Read More.
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Minnesota Economic Blackout Protest Declared “Day of Truth & Freedom” — People Forget to Charge Phones
In Minnesota, protestors urge citizens to stay home, not shop or work, and instead contemplate freedom while batteries drain. Read More.
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Trump Announces “Board of Peace” to Mediate Global Conflicts — Including Disputes Over Socks Left in Dryer
In Davos, Trump unveils his superhero council for world peace, diplomacy, and laundry disagreements everywhere. Read More.
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