In what may be his most ambitious foreign policy maneuver yet, President Joe Biden is ending his term with a bang—potentially a very literal one. The administration’s recent announcement of an $8 billion arms deal with Israel, aimed at “deterring Iran proxies,” has many wondering if Biden is crafting his legacy as the man who finally united the world—in global conflict.
Sources inside the White House have described the deal as Biden’s “farewell masterpiece,” a complex plan designed to both escalate tensions in the Middle East and create an unforgettable sendoff for his presidency. “If you’re going to exit the stage, you might as well leave the lights burning,” quipped one senior official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The Masterstroke of Deterrence
The arms package, including advanced missile systems, fighter jets, and enough ammunition to make even the Pentagon blush, is being marketed as a “defensive” measure. But critics argue that Biden’s interpretation of “defensive” is about as coherent as his last State of the Union address.
“Deterrence? More like provocation,” said one foreign policy analyst. “This is the diplomatic equivalent of handing a blowtorch to someone in a fireworks factory and saying, ‘Use this responsibly.’”
A Global Firestarter
While Biden’s aides insist this is a calculated move to stabilize the region, the timing couldn’t be worse—or better, depending on your appetite for chaos. With Russia and Ukraine still locked in conflict, China eyeing Taiwan, and Iran already irate over sanctions, the stage is set for a geopolitical showdown of epic proportions.
Biden himself seemed unusually chipper when asked about the deal. “Look, folks, Israel needs to be able to defend itself. And, uh, if this creates a little… spark… well, sparks are how you start fires. And fires… warm people, right? Come on, man!”
A Legacy of Leadership(?)
Historians are already debating where Biden’s final foreign policy move ranks among his administration’s other accomplishments, such as the record-breaking inflation, the Afghanistan withdrawal debacle, and the time he got lost on the White House lawn.
But for Biden, the potential of sparking World War III might just be his magnum opus. After all, what better way to ensure people remember you than by plunging the globe into unprecedented chaos?
As the world braces for what comes next, one thing is certain: Biden’s legacy is secure. Whether it’s as a champion of democracy, a geopolitical arsonist, or just the guy who accidentally kicked over the global beehive, his presidency will not be forgotten anytime soon.
And if it all goes south? At least he can always blame Putin. Or Trump. Or, perhaps, a rogue teleprompter.
