Greatest Hits

In a stunning turn of events, the 2024 presidential election has taken an unexpected twist: it’s become so uneventful that even counting sheep would be more exciting. The culprit behind this election ennui? None other than the President himself – or should we say, the forgetful contender-in-chief, Joe Biden. Read More.

In a shocking turn of events, President Joe Biden reportedly woke up this morning with a newfound resolve: to lie every single day for the rest of his life. Or so we thought. As it turns out, Biden’s alleged epiphany is not exactly groundbreaking news – it's just another day in the White House. Read More.

In a dramatic turn of events at the White House yesterday, President Joe Biden reportedly unleashed a torrent of frustration after delivering what he deemed a "flawless" speech, only to be met with a deafening silence instead of the expected applause. Witnesses described the scene as both comical and bewildering, as the leader of the free world apparently couldn't handle the absence of the customary ovation. Read More.

In a stunning twist of academic acrobatics, a college professor has taken aim at the beloved tradition of spring break, accusing it of perpetuating cultural appropriation. Read More.

This article discusses China's response to the U.S. House bill targeting TikTok, the EV hype losing steam, Dollar Tree's results, and Neil Young's return to Spotify. Read More.

In a bizarre turn of events, President Joe Biden, known for his occasional gaffes, has reportedly forgotten how to cast his vote in the upcoming elections. Instead of seeking assistance or consulting the Constitution, Biden took an unprecedented step by declaring himself the rightful ruler of the United States — the King of America. Read More.

In a groundbreaking revelation that has shaken the foundations of physics and social justice alike, a group of radical academics has boldly declared gravity to be unequivocally racist. Yes, you read that correctly: gravity, the force that keeps us grounded and planets in orbit, has now been accused of systemic discrimination. In a move that is sure to send shockwaves through the scientific community, these intrepid thinkers have unveiled their findings, pointing fingers at Sir Isaac Newton and his supposedly oppressive laws of motion. Read More.