Portland, Oregon - Local woodshop teacher, Adam Jimenez, sparked outrage after the annual “Toys for Trans Tots” luncheon as he was seen leaving in his Subaru Outback, which was allegedly sporting a “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker. When asked about his political affiliation the next day, Jimenez said that he “just wants the government to leave people alone.”
“It just makes you feel unsafe,” 4th grade English teacher Suzi Alberts said of the incident. “I mean, he’s been here for 8 years. Imagine how many young minds he’s corrupted in that time. He’s probably trying to indoctrinate them into his far-right politics.” Mx Alberts, who corrected this reporter multiple times on their pronouns, was seen sobbing in the hallway underneath their “in this classroom, everyone is welcome” sign.
Despite a clean criminal record and outstanding feedback from students, Mr. Jimenez was placed on administrative leave following the luncheon. “We want to assure the community that a full investigation is underway”, said assistant principal Steve McClung as he clutched the gay pride pin attached to his lapel. “At this school, we’re not in the business of indoctrinating your kids. We’re here to teach them how to be intersectional allies, the kind of people who will grow up to see the movie Bros on opening weekend.”
