NUCLEAR POWER: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
President Nayib Bukele, fresh off watching a rerun of Chernobyl, announced that El Salvador will “totally for real” build a nuclear power plant. “We’ve already got safety experts looking at a map,” he confirmed, proudly pointing at a coloring book.
IAEA STAYS SIX WHOLE DAYS WITHOUT MELTING DOWN
An elite IAEA team completed a six-day safety review without spontaneously combusting. “It’s fine,” one expert muttered, clutching holy water and a Geiger counter.
U.S. SIGNS UP TO HELP, INSTANTLY REGRETS IT
The U.S. pledged nuclear cooperation, including waste disposal plans. One official clarified: “We’ll help, as long as it doesn’t explode during a State Department Zoom call.”
NUCLEAR LAW PASSED AFTER LUNCH
Lawmakers passed El Salvador’s Nuclear Energy Law in record time—right after brunch margaritas. One said, “We thought we were voting for free glowsticks.”
TRUMP REACTOR COMING SOON?
Rumors swirl that Bukele will name the first reactor TrumpForce One. MAGA hats now mandatory PPE in reactor zones.
