Cincinnati, OH - John Lourie, a 45 year old cartographer who works for the city planner in a Cincinnati suburb, said he was shocked when he attended a meeting of MAPs at a local park on Tuesday. “I thought I had found like-minded enthusiasts who wanted to talk about the intricacies of map making,” said a visibly shaken Lourie as he walked to his car in the parking lot.
“Those people are monsters,” Mr. Lourie stated, “they’re ruining the good name of map makers across this country.” Several eye-witnesses reported that Lourie could be heard shouting, “You want to do what with who?!” before storming off to find the nearest police officer.
Local authorities said that they couldn’t make any arrests without laws being broken, but they added that the group of Minor Attracted Persons were definitely on their radar. “I just don’t get it, are we afraid of offending pedophiles now?” Mr. Lourie said when discussing the incident with police. Several of the meeting attendees were noticeably weary of the police presence as they left the park, and one man tipped his fedora in their direction when he got in his car to leave.
