Washington, DC - Senator Tim Kaine (D-VA) woke up to the sun shining in his office and scrambled out of bed after he realized he’d missed the opportunity to read the Omnibus spending bill on Thursday morning. “Oh shoot, I set my alarm clock for 8pm not am!” said Senator Kaine to himself as he hurriedly poured himself a coffee and threw on his suit jacket as he headed for the Senate chambers.
Senators from across the country were given less than 48 hours to read the 4,000+ page Omnibus spending bill, which would fund the government for at least a year and awards billions of dollars of military and humanitarian aid to Ukraine, among other funding priorities.
“Schumey is going to kill me, I gotta tell him I got in an accident or something!” said Kaine as he hopped in his staffer’s car and ordered them to speed to the Capitol. “Hurry, I think I can still make the vote and send billions of American taxpayer dollars to a country that’s already received billions of dollars in military aid.”
