THE BROMANCE BREAKS DOWN
In a stunning turn of events worthy of a Netflix docuseries called “Tech Bros and the Art of the Deal,” President Trump publicly flexed on longtime frenemigo Elon Musk — deploying DOGE not as a meme, but as a financial nuke.
“DOGE is now D.O.G.E. — Department of Government Extermination (of subsidies),” said Trump, probably while wearing golf shoes and sipping Diet Coke.
DOGE AS A FEDERAL AGENCY? WHY NOT.
According to totally real, definitely-not-made-up sources, Trump’s administration may tap DOGE as a full-blown investigative task force. “We’ll ride the blockchain straight to Elon’s subsidy treasure chest,” Trump posted, probably while blinking in Morse code for "respectfully bro, you're next."
ELON RESPONDS WITH A SPACEX SNUGGLE
Musk responded with his signature awkward charm: “Love you too, Don. Want me to launch your Truth Social servers into orbit?” The Tesla CEO also reportedly sent Trump a peace offering in the form of a cybertruck-shaped fruit basket — unfortunately, it spontaneously combusted on arrival.
TRUMP: “SUBSIDIES GONE, SO IS THE MAGIC”
“Without government candy, Elon’s empire folds like a $2 lawn chair,” Trump declared, before reminding everyone that electric cars are fine as long as no one actually drives one.
He then hinted South Africa might soon host the first Mars launch if things don’t get patched up fast.
A TRUMP-MUSK MAKEUP ARC? STAY TUNED
Despite the spicy rhetoric, insiders say this is just another episode of The Real Tech-Billionaires of Mar-a-Lago. Expect a reunion special, possible Tesla-sponsored golf cart diplomacy, and maybe even a new coin: TRUMPLR — backed by pure ego and Diet Coke.
