In an astonishing display of delusion, local politician Joe Schmoe has announced his unwavering determination to stay in the race for mayor, despite polling at an impressive 0%. Schmoe, who seems to have mistaken the word "campaign" for "camping out," has steadfastly refused to acknowledge the writing on the wall – that his chances of winning are about as likely as finding a unicorn grazing in Central Park.
Schmoe's campaign headquarters, which consists of a folding table, a rusty lawn chair, and a banner that misspells his name as "Joe Shmo," has become a laughingstock among political circles. When asked about his lack of support, Schmoe replied, "Numbers can be deceiving. Just because no one's voting for me doesn't mean I'm not the people's choice."
Despite his insistence on soldiering forward, Schmoe's campaign events resemble more of a solo karaoke night at a dive bar than a political rally. Attendees – which usually consist of bored pigeons and the occasional stray cat – are treated to Schmoe's impassioned speeches about his plans to fix potholes and lower taxes, all delivered to an audience more interested in scavenging for crumbs than listening to his rhetoric.
When questioned about his strategy moving forward, Schmoe remained resolute. "I believe in the power of the underdog," he declared, while adjusting his ill-fitting tie. "History is filled with examples of improbable victories. Remember David and Goliath? Well, I'm David, and the electorate is Goliath. Or something like that."
Political analysts are baffled by Schmoe's refusal to drop out, with some speculating that he may be suffering from a severe case of denial or perhaps just enjoying the attention – however minuscule – that his campaign is receiving. "It's like watching a slow-motion train wreck," remarked one observer. "You know it's going to end badly, but you can't look away."
As Election Day looms closer, Schmoe shows no signs of backing down, determined to go down in history as the candidate who refused to quit – even when everyone was begging him to. Whether his perseverance is commendable or just plain absurd remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain: Joe Schmoe is not going quietly into the night, even if nobody is listening.
