Washington, DC - IMPORTANT NEWS FROM DC: If you were planning on watching tomorrow’s State of the Union Address, you might want to take a long lunch because it was just rescheduled to 2:30pm eastern time. The Biden administration admitted that the change in time was to ensure that the President didn’t have to stay up too late, allegedly due to the fact that Biden gets “sleepy” after 5:00pm.
Although the text of the speech is only four paragraphs, the White House estimated that the total length of the speech will be in the ballpark of 45 minutes, due to the President’s inability to speak in complete sentences.
The White House also announced that they will be using the talents of the prop comedian Carrot Top to keep the speech more lively. A spokesperson for the White House proudly said that using a prop comedian in addition to the speech tested well with audiences, “I challenge any Supreme Court Justice or the Joint Chiefs of Staff to fall asleep during this speech.”
Tune in at 2:30pm tomorrow to see a truly magical night at the nation’s capital.
