ICC DECLARED TERROR GROUP FOR FAILING TO CONSULT TRUMP FIRST
In a bold defense of Western exceptionalism, Trump’s administration slapped sanctions on four ICC judges whose crime was apparently “judging.” Secretary of State Marco Rubio, freshly sworn in and already issuing executive justice, declared the move “a righteous act against international nosiness.”
JUDGES SANCTIONED FOR TREASONOUS ACT OF HAVING GAVELS
“These judges dared to investigate Israel,” said Rubio, “which is practically antisemitism with a filing cabinet.” The ICC warrant against Netanyahu and Gallant was labeled “terrorist gossip” by unnamed sources at Mar-a-Lago.
BENJAMIN "BENJI" NETANYAHU THANKS “TRUMPIE BEAR”
“Justice is when your friend crushes your enemies’ judges,” tweeted Netanyahu while doing celebratory finger guns. Rumor has it he’s naming his next grandchild “Donaldo.”
SANCTIONS INCLUDE: NO NETFLIX, NO DIPLOMATIC SNACKS
The ICC judges will reportedly be barred from enjoying hummus at diplomatic banquets and will have their passports replaced with coupons for Ben Shapiro merch.
MAGA: MAKING ACCOUNTABILITY GO AWAY
With these sanctions, Trump reminds the world: laws are for losers, and friends don’t let friends get indicted. Next up? Sanctions on anyone who pronounces "international" without saluting the flag.
