Washington, DC - After several Secret Service agents reportedly found a “suspicious white powder” in the Oval Office, it was discovered that it was just left over narcotics from a private screening of the crime drama Scarface that Hunter Biden held last week.
“Following an extensive investigation by the Secret Service, we have determined that the President’s son did nothing wrong because he is a Democrat,” said a representative for the Secret Service on Monday morning.
“Reports of Hunter Biden’s eyes glowing pure white and him emitting a fluorescent glow are not exaggerated, as he has officially reached a drug-fueled state of euphoria after watching Scarface.”
“We want to emphasize that if this were Donald Trump’s son who had disrespected the White House and consumed narcotics on the property, Trump would have faced stiff charges and would likely be impeached for his son’s actions,” continued the spokesperson.
Before publishing time, a deranged Hunter Biden could be heard sprinting through the halls of the White House shouting profanities at the top of his lungs.
