WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that has left economists scratching their heads, President Joe Biden today announced a new plan to combat inflation by selling America's strategic oil reserves to himself.
"I know what you're thinking," Biden said in a speech from the Oval Office. "This sounds crazy. But trust me, it's the most effective way to bring down gas prices."
Under the plan, Biden will sell millions of barrels of oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to his own company, Joe Biden Oil and Gas LLC. The company will then turn around and sell the oil back to the government at a higher price, effectively transferring wealth from taxpayers to Biden.
"I know this sounds like a conflict of interest," Biden admitted. "But I promise you, it's not. I'm just trying to help out my fellow Americans."
The plan has been met with widespread ridicule from both Democrats and Republicans.
"This is the most absurd thing I've ever heard," said Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY). "It's like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it."
"This is just another example of Biden's incompetence," said House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). "He's completely out of his depth."
Despite the criticism, Biden is adamant that his plan will work.
"I'm not an economist," Biden said. "But I know a good deal when I see one."
Only time will tell whether Biden's plan will be successful. But one thing is for sure: it's sure to be a memorable chapter in the history of American economic policy.
