In a touching but unsurprising twist, former President Jimmy Carter, now in hospice care, has reportedly made one final request: to cast his vote for a candidate who embodies Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). According to insiders, Carter believes that voting for DEI, even if it means ignoring qualifications or policy, is the highest form of patriotism in today’s America.
"After all, it’s not about what a candidate brings to the table—it's about checking the right identity boxes,” a close family source said.
Naturally, Vice President Kamala Harris was quick to latch onto Carter’s wish. “President Carter’s belief in equity aligns perfectly with my campaign,” she said in a press release. "Representation matters—whether or not the represented person has actually achieved anything."
Critics of Harris argue that Carter’s endorsement is the latest example of performative virtue signaling, but Harris’s team sees it as a "historic synergy." One campaign aide noted, “Carter’s legacy of unintended consequences fits perfectly with Harris’s leadership style.”
Political analysts are already buzzing about the impact. "Carter endorsing a DEI candidate as his final wish tells us everything we need to know about the current state of the Democratic Party," quipped one conservative commentator. "It's not about leadership or results—it's about optics and platitudes."
Georgia’s early voters are now being encouraged to fulfill Carter’s vision by voting for Harris—or really, anyone who aligns with the DEI mantra. As one local voter put it, “If it makes Carter happy in his final days, I’ll do it. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
The answer, of course, is a Harris presidency—but hey, at least it’ll be inclusive.
