“Mission: Make America Healthy Again (By Any Means)”
In late March, HHS kicked off a heroic mission: shrink from 82,000 employees to 62,000. Ten thousand got formal pink slips, ten thousand more took “early retirement and buyouts” (a.k.a. voluntary exile). Secretary Kennedy promised this would “maximize efficiency, save taxpayers money, and help make America healthy again.”
“Judiciary Throwdown: MAGA vs. Lawfare”
Predictably, Democrat-appointed judges swooped in to block the layoffs. The legal fights reached the Supreme Court, which let the firings proceed. Finally, HHS gave out more pink slips on Monday, showing rubber stamps aren’t just for bureaucracy.
“Housecleaning or House of Cards?”
Calley Means, RFK Jr.’s MAGA braintrust, called the pre‑cut HHS an “utter failure”—blaming them for chronic disease, vaccine trust erosion, and regulatory complacency. Meanwhile, sources at WIRED warn that without thousands of IT and cyber staff, our health data system might collapse fast. “Operationally reach a point of no return,” one insider warned.
“Science? Safety? Who Needs That?”
Thousands of CDC, NIH, FDA programmers, analysts, and admin staff were let go in the “efficiency purge.” Now, FDA’s product experts, NIH’s grant officers, and CDC’s infectious-disease nerds are on their way out. But no worries—efficiency is up, and budget numbers look great.
“Suspicious Sounds in the Halls”
An HHS insider told WIRED:
“Pretty soon… everything regarding IT and cyber at the department will start to operationally reach a point of no return.” (WIRED)
Calley Means, at a Politico summit:
“Any business… with [HHS’s] metrics… you would of course fire a bunch of people and install new leadership.” (Politico)
So now we have a leaner, meaner HHS. Sure, thousands of experts are gone. Maybe national disease surveillance systems are dangling by a cyber thread. But hey — mission accomplished, right? The budget’s lighter, the nameplate reads “Make America Healthy Again,” and lawsuits from liberal judges have been overcome. Next step: fire the people who keep the lights on—because lights are overrated! Who needs a functioning public health infrastructure when you’ve got a spreadsheet and a clear mission?
