WASHINGTON, D.C. — Once upon a time, the right was the intellectual home of free-markets, low tariffs and fiscal discipline. That textbook has now been replaced by a protest sign reading: “100 % Tariffs on China: Let the Workers Eat Junk & Export Jobs!”
According to a recent survey from Breitbart News, some 58 % of Republicans now support maintaining or raising tariffs on Chinese imports — up from the free-trade consensus era when tariffs were a dirty word.
One GOP policy strategist, asked to explain this shift, said: “We realised that national-security = trade policy. Who cares if consumers pay more? Patriotism doesn’t come cheap.”
Inside conservative clubs and think-tanks the mood is surreal. A veteran free-market economist, now quietly sipping coffee in the corner, admitted: “We used to argue that tariffs distort markets. Now we argue that tariffs educate consumers about the hidden cost of Chinese socks.” A junior staffer chirped: “We call it ‘price signal patriotism’.”
Meanwhile, hard-line trade hawks have mass-produced slogans like “Buy American—or Else,” which scientists say contain about the same amount of logic as “Turn Off the Sun to Save the Night.” They justify the move by pointing out that China is “unfriendly” according to the poll: 82 % of Republicans see China as “enemy” or “unfriendly.”
But the irony is thicker than the protective plastic on your new TV. The same GOP faction that once blamed Democrats for over-regulating business now applauds a policy that — surprise — raises costs, limits choice, and insulates incumbent industries. One trade-hawk declared: “We’re liberating Americans — from cheap imports.”
In the halls of Congress, the shift has caused cognitive whiplash. A nervous House member was overheard saying during a briefing: “Wait—so tariffs used to be bad, now they’re good? Should I rename my bill ‘Good Tariff Act’? Or maybe the ‘Not Too Big to Tariff Bill’?”
The punchline? If you’ve been watching conservative economic policy this year, it’s a little like the cavalry turning into the dancers who tie themselves to the horse and ride it backwards. The right once mocked price-controls, but here they are embracing tariffs with the enthusiasm of a convert at revival—singing hymns about higher import costs and saying “amen” to supply-chain wounds.
So next time you hear a conservative pundit defend a 100 % tariff on Chinese goods as “economic freedom,” just remember: freedom sometimes tastes like your clothes cost twice as much.
