Editor's note: after a flogging from my boss, I now recognize God would accelerate the Second Coming, not delay it. Now back to my mandated Bible study.
Heaven, Above - God released a press statement on Monday after watching a children’s drag show in Portland, Oregon. “In my omniscient opinion, humanity is not yet ready for the second coming of my son, Jesus Christ.” The Lord Almighty condemned the practice of sexualizing children in the name of “social equity” and “tolerance”.
A spokesman for Heaven had this to say about the children’s drag performance, “when you start exposing kids to that level of sexuality, you’re quite literally playing with fire.”
“Also we’re looking for a new Pope, so if anyone knows someone who’s still devout in 2022, we are currently accepting applications,” continued the spokesman. Experts estimate that the second coming will likely be pushed back a few millennia and could coincide with the 3022 Fifa World Cup.
