Washington celebrated a landmark achievement this week after officials announced the creation of the Federal Office of Bureaucratic Streamlining, an agency dedicated exclusively to reducing unnecessary government bureaucracy.
The ribbon-cutting ceremony required only fourteen permits, three environmental reviews, and approval from a committee established to evaluate ribbon thickness.
Officials called it "a tremendous improvement."
According to the agency's mission statement, Americans seeking faster government services can now submit Form BS-101, Form BS-101A, Form BS-101A-Revised, and the optional—but somehow mandatory—Supplemental Streamlining Questionnaire.
Applicants are encouraged to allow six to eighteen fiscal years for processing.
"We're eliminating red tape by organizing it alphabetically," explained Acting Deputy Assistant Interim Director Clarence Paperclip. "Efficiency begins with proper filing."
Employees reportedly spent the agency's first week designing an official seal featuring an eagle trapped inside a filing cabinet.
Congress praised the initiative.
"This demonstrates government's unwavering commitment to making government smaller through carefully managed government expansion," one lawmaker reportedly declared while unveiling plans for an Oversight Committee to oversee the Oversight Committee.
The proposal passed unanimously after nobody had time to read it.
Private-sector consultants were hired to identify waste.
After a twelve-million-dollar study, they concluded excessive paperwork was caused primarily by excessive paperwork.
The findings were described as groundbreaking.
Citizens attempting to contact the new office discovered its phone system offers thirty-seven menu options, none of which lead to an actual person.
Option 18 congratulates callers for believing customer service still exists.
Faith leaders observed the situation with remarkable calm.
"It's comforting," one pastor joked. "Every time government promises salvation through another office, people remember why grace is free."
Analysts noted that the agency has already exceeded its staffing goals by 400 percent while successfully reducing paperwork by exactly one staple.
Celebrations are scheduled for next month pending approval from the Celebration Approval Review Board.
Officials remain optimistic.
They've already begun drafting legislation to simplify the paperwork required to request permission to simplify paperwork.
The bill is expected to arrive shortly after the heat death of the universe.
