Feeling like your carbon footprint weighs more than a hippopotamus wearing a parka? Fear not, environmentally-conscious friend, because eco-guilt just got an eco-makeover! Introducing the all-new, guilt-trip 2.0, now packaged in 100% recycled bamboo and organic shame!
That's right, your daily dose of self-reproach for forgetting your reusable tote at the farmers market is now delivered in packaging so green, it practically sprouts chlorophyll on contact. No more single-use guilt! Each guilt-trip comes nestled in a bed of ethically-sourced regret, wrapped in a biodegradable band of "why-didn't-I-bike-here?" anxieties.
And the guilt itself? Oh, it's been lovingly crafted from the finest, all-natural ingredients. A dash of "should-have-planted-more-trees," a sprinkle of "maybe-that-avocado-toast-wasn't-worth-it," and a generous scoop of "you're-ruining-the-planet-one-latte-at-a-time." It's a guilt-gasm of epic proportions, and it's all-vegan!
And to sweeten the deal, for a limited time only, every guilt-trip 2.0 comes with a complimentary set of artisanal hand-wringing implements, fashioned from salvaged driftwood and repurposed tears. Perfect for expressing the full spectrum of your eco-angst!
But wait, there's more! To truly embrace the enlightened circle of sustainable suffering, upgrade your guilt-trip to the deluxe edition. It includes a bonus audio track of guilt-inducing rainforest rainforest sounds, guaranteed to make you question every paper towel you've ever used.
So ditch the plastic guilt trips of the past, friends! Embrace the future of eco-conscious self-flagellation with guilt-trip 2.0! Remember, the planet is at stake, and if you're not feeling a constant, gnawing sense of responsibility, you're doing it wrong.
But hey, at least the packaging is compostable!
(Side effects may include existential dread, a sudden urge to knit hemp sandals, and an irrational fear of plastic straws. Consult your therapist before consuming.)
