Orlando, FL - In their latest attempt to replace our collective childhood joy with woke propaganda, Disney announced that Jar Jar Binks was a nonbinary asexual throughout the series. The side character, who had little screen time during the prequel trilogy, was immediately celebrated by the LGBT crowd following the announcement.
This announcement was quickly followed by Disney advertising their new “gender fluid” rainbow lightsabers, that only activate when you display an all-inclusive yard sign in front of your house. A spokesperson for Disney had this to say during a press conference, “We’re proud to announce that our latest line of lightsabers closely reflects the liberal morals of our company.”
The spokesperson continued by saying, “We feel at Disney that the current feelings of the country are very progressive, and in an effort to stay relevant we’ve decided to closely align ourselves with the latest values reflected by the majority of woke Americans. That is why we are retconning Jar Jar Binks to be a gay icon for the next generation of money spenders in our parks.”
