Putin Throws Shade, Trump Throws Javelins
Trump didn't just call out Putin — he flipped the table and set it on fire. “We got a lotta bull---- thrown at us,” Trump declared, presumably while making hand gestures only seen in mafia movies and motivational speeches. Meanwhile, Obama sent Ukraine enough blankets to open a Bed Bath & Beyond.
Obama’s Foreign Aid: BYOB (Bring Your Own Bullets)
Back in 2014, Obama heard Ukraine needed weapons and sent... nightlights. “We believe in non-lethal aid,” Obama probably said, while crocheting a peace-sign quilt and softly whispering “hope” into a windsock.
Trump’s Ukraine Strategy: Missiles First, Apologies Never
Unlike the Linen Whisperer, Trump handed Ukraine the keys to the Javelin cabinet like a dad tossing his kid the car keys to a tank. Putin blinked. Twice. Then asked for a blanket.
Putin’s “Very Nice” Routine Deemed Worthless, Like CNN Ratings
Trump's verdict on Putin's charm offensive? “Very nice… and completely meaningless.” It’s the diplomatic equivalent of calling your ex “sweet” before driving over her new boyfriend’s Prius.
Make Foreign Policy Lethal Again
While Obama hugged it out with Putin and sent Ukraine bedtime bundles, Trump sent explosive care packages with gift tags reading “With Love, Big Don.” MAGA means never having to say you're non-lethal.
