THE DEEP STATE STRIKES OUT
John Brennan, former CIA chief and full-time MSNBC contributor, is reportedly “shocked and appalled” to discover the DOJ still has printers that generate indictments. Sources say he’s being probed for lying to Congress, which he assumed was just cosplay for C-SPAN.
COMEY: “I DON’T RECALL MY RECOLLECTION”
James Comey, whose memory conveniently vanishes every time someone says “FISA abuse,” is also under federal investigation. “I never lied. I just gave truth room to grow,” he told himself in the mirror while rehearsing for his next book deal.
CNN DECLARES BRENNAN A VICTIM OF FACTS
Don Lemon demanded that “truth-based witch hunts must end,” adding that Brennan’s only crime was “believing in democracy too much.” Brennan nodded along from his WiFi-enabled panic room.
QUOTE OF THE YEAR: “RULE OF LAW IS FOR OTHER PEOPLE”
According to anonymous sources (a.k.a. Brennan’s burner phone), Comey and Brennan are considering fleeing to California, where prosecuting felonies is considered a hate crime.
MAGA LAUGHS LAST
Patriots everywhere are rejoicing: the swamp is bubbling, and the Deep State’s finest are finally tasting their own alphabet soup. Trump 2024 just got juicier. Lock ‘em up? More like: mop ‘em up.
