San Francisco, CA - Governor Gavin Newsom made the news last week when he held a press conference to discuss the ongoing addiction issues facing the state of California. “It’s no secret that Californians, as well as many Americans, are struggling with substance abuse issues,” said the Governor to a crowded press room.
“I mean, just walk down Lombard street and try to count the number of needles, even I was surprised, and my policies helped create this mess in the first place,” continued Newsom. “But, like all great Democratic leaders, I’ve come up with a solution that will only make the situation worse. I’m proposing that Californians ditch their drug of choice so they can self-medicate on pharmaceutical drugs instead.”
“Why would you settle for illegal street drugs when you could get an expensive prescription for Zoloft, Prozac, or Lexapro? That way, drug addicts will be doped up in a totally different way, and they’ll be entirely dependent on the pharma companies that make our great state of California so much money!”
Several representatives from Pfizer and Moderna were in attendance at the press events, and each one of them were observed shaking their heads vigorously up and down as the Governor spoke.
