Under Biden's plan, age-related terms like "youthful vigor," "fresh perspective," and "not having to ask what a TikTok is" would become relics of the past. "Let's face it," the president continued, "young people are impulsive. They think they know everything. But let me tell you, after eight decades of living, breathing, and mostly remembering things, you gain a certain wisdom. You learn that sometimes, the best solution is to yell at the clouds and take a long nap."
The proposal was met with predictably mixed reactions. While some praised it as a necessary step to ensure "mature" leadership, others expressed concerns about the potential for gerontocracy and the exclusion of younger generations. "This is just another way to keep the power in the hands of the same old, out-of-touch politicians," lamented 25-year-old activist Sarah Jones. "I might not have lived through the Depression, but I'm pretty sure I know what's wrong with the world today."
Undeterred by the criticism, Biden remains bullish on his plan. "Listen, I know some folks might think 85 is a little old," he conceded, before adding with a wink, "but I'm feeling 82 at most on a good day. And besides, it's not like I'm the oldest guy in the room anymore. Have you seen Bernie lately? He looks like he could outlast the pyramids!"
With the midterm elections looming and the 2024 presidential race heating up, it remains to be seen whether Biden's age-based revolution will catch fire. But one thing's for sure: in a world of political uncertainty, at least we can all agree that experience, even if it's tinged with a hint of forgetfulness, is a valuable asset. So, grab your prune juice and your reading glasses, America - the future of politics belongs to the octogenarians!
