In a bold new initiative, the Biden administration has announced plans to make everything in America more boring. From the news to the entertainment industry to even our personal lives, the administration is determined to create a society where everyone is so bored that they'll never have the energy to complain about anything.
"We're living in a very exciting time," said President Biden at a press conference announcing the initiative. "But excitement can be exhausting. That's why we're launching this new initiative to make everything more boring. We want people to be so bored that they just give up and go to bed early."
The initiative will target a wide range of areas, including:
- News: The administration will work with media outlets to reduce the amount of negative and controversial news coverage. Instead, news outlets will be encouraged to focus on stories about knitting, birdwatching, and other calming topics.
- Entertainment: The administration will work with Hollywood to produce more boring movies and TV shows. Instead of action-packed thrillers and comedies, studios will be encouraged to make movies about the history of wallpaper and TV shows about the lives of librarians.
- Personal lives: The administration will work with businesses and organizations to make our personal lives more boring. For example, restaurants will be encouraged to serve bland food, and workplaces will be encouraged to implement more restrictive policies on social interaction.
"We believe that a more boring society is a better society," said Biden. "Bored people are less likely to complain, less likely to fight, and less likely to cause trouble. So let's all do our part to make America a more boring place."
The administration's initiative has been met with mixed reactions. Some people support the idea of a more boring society, arguing that it would be less stressful and more peaceful. Others have criticized the initiative, arguing that it would stifle creativity and innovation.
"I'm all for a little less excitement in my life," said one supporter of the initiative. "I'm tired of all the news about war, crime, and political scandal. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my life without having to worry about all the bad stuff that's going on in the world."
"I think this initiative is a terrible idea," said one critic. "Boring people are boring to be around. They're not interesting, they're not creative, and they're not fun. If we all become more boring, America will be a much less interesting place."
Only time will tell whether the Biden administration's initiative will be successful. But one thing is for sure: it will be a very boring time to be alive.
