In a move that defies geography, ideology, and meteorology, Donald Trump announced that he’ll be honored with the Israel Prize for Peace and is planning a phone call with Vladimir Putin before a long-awaited sit-down with President Zelensky. Really, who schedules these things?
“It’s like scheduling Thanksgiving Dinner and your dentist appointment in the same time slot,” one diplomat reportedly quipped. But the White House staff simply responded, “Calendar? Never heard of it!”
At a press briefing, Trump explained: “When you’re this effective at everything — peace, deals, awards — you just stack them like pancakes.” Aides whispered that the real agenda is unclear, but they’re very confident it involves dessert.
Foreign policy analysts face a fresh crisis: what hat do you wear when diplomacy is also an awards show and a podcast episode? The State Department reportedly began issuing dual-language invitations that read, “Bring your own abstract geopolitical context.”
The Putin phone call — billed unofficially as “Not Really a Prequel, but Maybe an RSVP?” — has confused both allies and adversaries. A Kremlin spokesperson merely said, “We like calls if they come with snacks.”
Meanwhile, Israelis preparing for the award ceremony reportedly asked whether Trump’s acceptance speech should include interpretive dance. Sources close to Trump denied preparation, saying instead that he’s practicing “peace-themed charades.”
Across the aisle, critics seized the moment. One senator exclaimed, “If diplomacy were a movie, this would be directed by Christopher Nolan and produced by Monty Python.” A foreign policy aide added, “We’re just here for the popcorn.”
By the time Trump finally lands with Zelensky, the world expects:
- A Peace Prize Gala
- A televised segment called “Diplomacy Trivia Night”
- And maybe a potluck dessert table because why not?
The official motto? “When in doubt, phone Putin then fly to peace. Also bring pie.” 🍰
