Meeting Of The Minds (One Mind Present)
In a top-secret meeting announced five minutes after it happened, Trump reportedly stared Powell down and said, “You see this economy? It’s tremendous. Now imagine it with zero interest. That’s called winning. You wouldn’t know about that.” A source confirmed Trump brought a golden calculator labeled “TRUTH METER.”
Powell Explains Fed Policy, Trump Yawns Loudly
When Powell launched into his boring old “data-dependent monetary policy” routine, Trump interrupted with, “Fake news! I’ve seen the charts. My gut has better data. It’s big-league data.” He then handed Powell a sticky note reading: “CUT RATES OR CUT PAYCHECK.”
Trump Suggests “More Cowbell” As Economic Solution
When asked about inflation risks, Trump suggested "printing money but with more American flags on it.” He also pitched a new Fed strategy: “Buy low, sell high — it’s not rocket science, Jerome.”
Powell Escapes With Dignity, Barely
As Powell exited the White House, he was heard muttering, “This is why I never learned Twitter.” Trump later posted, “Jerome is weak. Sad! I’d replace him with a vending machine but they won’t tweet either.”
Make Interest Rates Great Again
Trump ended the day by tweeting: “When I’m back in charge, rates go down, stocks go up, America wins, and Jerome gets a job teaching yoga in Vermont.” MAGA hats with “0% APR” are now available on Truth Social.
